Jackie Jones and the Boys Next Door(COMPLETE)

Chapter 1: I'd Rather Drink Bleach

"I'm never having kids." I blurt out as my brother and I rush through the front door. The need to get as far away from the rest of my family is strong.

"I'm actually heading in my room now to cut off my pecker." Joeys scrunched up face says it all. I laugh despite my foul mood. He charges past our immaculate kitchen and to our side of the house and opens his bedroom. "I can't believe I have to do that again next year. Shoot me now!"

Aw, the Janie Jones tradition of taking us on the same three week family vacation every year is a sore subject for both Joey and I. Janie is my mother. June, my fifteen year old sister is always excited to go. She's one of those die hard freaks that will likely get married on the small world ride or something creepy like that. Of course the little's want to live there, Jolie is two and Jenna is three, Disneyland is totally their cup of tea. Joey is sixteen and I am almost 18, when you have been as many times as we have the excitement wears off. I think it's safe to say I hate Disneyland. I know that makes me strange, but I don't care. I've been told I'm strange in one way or another my whole life.

"Family vacations are overrated!" I say over my shoulder as I continue down the hall to my room. "Janie already booked the same beach house in the same town for next summer...it's like ground hogs day." Every year we do two weeks on the beach, in the same house and then move to the Disneyland hotel for a week. The amount of money they spend on this overrated vacation could feed a small country for a year. It's disgusting!

"Not quite. Ground Hogs Day was a funny movie, our yearly vacation is more like..." He pauses and I turn around and watch him expectantly. "I can't even think of anything witty." He rubs his temples. "The jostling of my brain from Jolie screaming the last thirty minutes has turned it into mush."

"Is toddler sedation illegal? Because that's the only way I'm going next year." I can't help but to laugh at the idea of little Jolie getting sedated and what she would be like when she woke up. Last year when Joey got his wisdom teeth removed I got him on video as he dry humped the nurse when she helped him off the bed. I nearly pissed my pants that day. I wonder if little Jolie, would take to dry humping coming off meds, like her big bro? Is dry humping genetic?

"You'll be eighteen, you won't have to go." Joey says and the realization makes me squirm with excitement.

Why the hell hadn't I already thought of that? "Love you bro!"

"You coming with me to the twins tonight?" He asks with a big sarcastic smile because he knows my answer.

"God no." I say and proceed to my room.

"Worth a shot." He yells back.

"So is trying crack but doesn't mean I'm gonna do it." I say and he barks out a laugh.

"Sis, that doesn't even make sense." I turn around and laugh with him.

"Neither does me going to a party with people who make my life hell during the school year. Summer is the time for me to hibernate. Avoid those disgusting trolls." He rolls his eyes and disappears behind his door.

The twins are our neighbors. The twins are my only friends on this lonely planet. What a sad existence to only have two friends and for them to be disgusting boys at that. This is why I hate my life so much. Well, that and I have giant boobs. Like freakishly large boobs that I am morbidly self-conscious of.

I open my bedroom door and almost moan I'm so relieved to be home. This is really the only thing I have going for me, this room. It's exquisitely decorated. My mom has Candy, her interior designer on speed dial. She just had my room re-done last year. It feels like a retreat. My room over looks the resort style backyard. The walls are painted a pale grey and the rest of it is done in white with pretty pops of color all over the place. My mom keeps a beautiful home. To the outside world she may look like the perfect mom, to me, she's a joke.