Jackie Jones and the Boys Next Door(COMPLETE)

Chapter 28: When You Have A Daughter You Have A Best Friend For Life

I walk up to my room with my little wheelie suitcase and let myself in. It's a shit hole. I text my mom and Joey in a group text, the least I can do is let them know I'm alive.

Me: I'm on a trip for a few days. Needed some space.

Not even a minute after sending there are bubbles. I sigh....the bubbles infuriate me....it's like a little texting tease!

Joey: Are you okay?

Me: Yes, I just need some space and ocean air. I will check in with you in a few days.

Mom: Jackie-baby where are you?

I don't reply. Instead I try to nap because I still haven't slept but I can't stop thinking about the talk I had with my mom. The look on her face when I told her I hated her. The way the words felt when they came out of my mouth. In the moment it felt good....but the minute I saw her face and saw the words hanging in the air between us I knew it was the worst thing to say to her.

Jonas with tears in his eyes. I hurt him. I hurt Joey yesterday too. He is begging me to talk to him, he's alive and he loves me and all I said was I wanted her. Not fair and not his fault. The thing is I'll never stop wanting her. The pain without her seems to be growing, not lessening. The hole she left in my life is gaping.

After several hours of tossing and turning I give up on sleep and decide to walk down to the beach. I stop when I see a cute dad with his three little kids. Two girls and a boy. It could be me, June and Joey when we were that age. Building sand castles, wrestling with our adoring dad. I feel like a stalker when they move down the beach, and I follow. I watch enthralled by their love that is radiating all over the empty beach. They are burying the dad and he's laughing and calling them cute names like 'booty muncher' and 'poopy pants' which make them all screech in laughter. The little boy runs over to me and smiles. "Are you following us?" His innocent eyes penetrating mine.

"No." I lie with a friendly smile. "I think you're following me."

He laughs, a charming sound amongst my chaotic emotions. "Can we bury you next?" His innocent eyes draw me in and make me ache for that trusting nature to come back to me. To be free of all this anger and hurt...only to be replaced with trust and happiness.

"Sure." I beam back and watch him run back to his family. I wave to the dad and the two girls, they wave back. I wish they were my family, they look perfect.

Life, one minute your little kids playing in the sand and then it's all hormones and emotions making you grow up. When I was that age all I wanted was to be big and now I'd give anything to be back on this beach with my family burying Joey and running from the waves. The simplicity of my thoughts and actions are a thing of the past because there is always this shadow hanging over me even when I'm happy. It's like I'm never truly happy, it's always just out of my grasp.

After several hours of me watching them and other seemingly happy families on the beach I walk back to my hotel and shower. My phone is filled with texts from Jonas wanting to talk. Worried because he went to my house and Joey told him I'd run away. Tosh begging me to call him. I ignore them both. I call a pizza joint for delivery and rent a movie for $26 which seemed like a bargain in this dump. After my second pizza delivery and two $26 movies later I hear a knock on the door. It's night time and I feel scared to death here in this city far from home. I freeze in fear, it can't be anything good on the other side of that ramshackle door. My phone is ringing so I know whoever is on the other side can hear it through these thin walls. They know someone is in here, ignoring them. It's my mom calling so I ignore it. The knocking stops and the ringing stops and I breath again but a few minutes later it all happens again.