Jackie Jones and the Boys Next Door(COMPLETE)

Chapter 27: Janie Jones

Joey and I spend most of the day in my room watching movies. He doesn't leave my side even when Shayla stops by to bring him a present and a bottle of wine for my mom from her mom. Tosh texts him all day to get on Fortnite but he doesn't budge. He is a magnet and I am steel, just like that one old song. We ate dinner with my mom, Steve and the little's. It was pretty awkward after all that yelling this morning. Having the little's was the only distraction we could all feel comfortable with. Joey and I decide that night, in my room, laying side by side with the lights off, to be better siblings to them. We don't pay enough attention to them because we both have anger about them being brought into this world. The thing is they're adorable and without their presence today, dinner would have been brutal. We both felt and still feel that my mom had no right to have any more kids.

My dad and mom let us down that day. Poor June needed them, she was pregnant and terrified. The last thing she heard her dad say about her was disturbing. She had made a mistake and she was ashamed of herself, that comment must have tore her apart. They fought, my mom tried to kill herself....my sister felt alone. She felt it was all her fault for dating that schmuck Neko. All of this was in the suicide letter as well as a specific paragraph for me:

"Jax- You're beautiful, you developed quickly. Let me always be a reminder to you that boys are only after one thing. They do not care for you, they just want to have sex with you. Keep your distance and your body covered. You don't want to give anyone the wrong idea. You see the way dad treats mom.

-I will always be with you-June Bug."

Next to her signature she drew her little signature June bug by her beautiful manicured handwriting.

I read it so many times I memorized it. My mom finally found a better hiding spot or she threw it away because I haven't seen it in years. Makes no difference, it is etched into my soul forever, I know it so well. I used to sleep with it at night, I saw it as my last tie to her.  Her words of wisdom passed down to me.

"Jax, do you think you can ever forgive them?" Joey asks me referring to my parents.

"No." I say and weep. I have cried more today than I have since she died. "I hate them. They could have done so much better that day. For us, for her....she would still be here."

"I think about this all the time." Joey says. "June was always very messed up."

"No she wasn't." I defensively yell.

"Jax, you know she was. Always trying to get their attention in some negative way. Like Neko, like all the other guys. Getting D's in school when we all know she was A material." Joey says very gently. "She had depression issues and may have been manic. The highs....the lows. Those diamond earring she black mailed from dad when she found out he was cheating on mom. She was 14 when she did that. 14 and capable of black mail."

"Joey......" I start and then I just bury my face in his shoulder and continue to weep.

"Jax, you know it's okay to say these things about her right. She killed herself and left us all here to try and cope with the hole she left. The guilt everyone in this family carries around daily about her death is debilitating." He says. "The only way to feel better is to talk about our pain that her death has caused."

I don't think it's okay to speak about her this way. I remember one therapist told me that it was selfish of me to feel anger towards her for leaving me. I don't want to ever think or say a bad thing against June....it seems that I would be betraying her. "Joey, she was hurt and felt alone." I remind him gently.

"Now who's hurt?" He mumbles. "Us! You have paid the highest price for all of this Jax. Your sister killed herself in our home and we discovered her body.....the grief and trauma was too much for us at that young age....or any age for that matter. You've been through hell with all these therapists and hospitals....all to give you bullshit diagnosis that never made sense to anyone."