Track 07

Chapter Eighteen

Although you guys haven't been alone in quite some time, it doesn't feel awkward. You just feel perfect when he's around. "Y/N?" He turns his head. "It wasn't just an usual friend who showed you this place, right?" You're shocked at this question. It's like he knows you better than you do yourself. And you've known him for only a month. "Yes, you're right." You take a deep breath. "It was my ex-boyfriend who showed me this place - Seokjin. He brought me here. He's the one who I came here with every week." Jimin says nothing.

He doesn't want to interrupt you or pressure you to tell more. He just looks at the stars. "I'm afraid of heights." He purely says. You look at him startled: "And still you came up here?" He nods. He's still holding your hand. Maybe that's why. He's scared, he needs the support. "I want to become the best version of myself." He continues after a few seconds of silence. "And that means that I have to overcome my fears."

You take a minute to think about what he just said. And then it hits you. You never thought about being the best version of yourself. You were just always... You.

Who are you? Slowly you get the feeling that you don't think about your actions and you life enough. You hate nearly everything in your life. You hate your job, you don't like your family that much. Where is you life headed? You're always just doing stuff, not really thinking about what it means to others, or even to yourself. You never thought that you could try to be another person, a better person. Someone who doesn't hate everything. Someone who actually enjoys stuff and brings happiness to others. You want to be someone people like being around. You never thought of changing or trying to be different, trying to be better.
Jimin climbed this rooftop, although he is scared of heights and he is the best person you know. Maybe you should try to overcome your fears as well. What would be so wrong about trying to be a better person?

Is it weird that you've been on this roof with Jimin for 5 minutes and already have a deep conversation with him, but when you were here with Jin you mostly talked about irrelevant stuff?

Becoming the best version of one's self. You think about it again. A better version of yourself. That's the ultimate goal. Becoming the person you want to be, and not just let life happen like this without really taking part in it. You know it's a long way, but everything about these thoughts is still new to you. The only thing left now, is trying to start with this journey.

You really want to be like Jimin and try to be the best version of yourself.

How can he have triggered these thoughts in such a short amount of time. All Jin usually talked about were video games and his pets. Which was nice in it's own way, but he never made you think about yourself, ever. And then it hits you again. This time like a flash, with God like power. You take out your phone and type:

Living, but not really living at the same time.

Thinking, but never thinking about what actually matters.

Who am I? Who do I want to be? The best me.

Jimin looks over your shoulder: "That's really good y/n. The best you've written so far." He smiles.

You look up and your eyes meet. He's so close to you, you can feel his breath. His lips look soft and pinkish. You lean forward a little bit. Lean into him. He doesn't take his eyes off of you. He inhales sharply: "We should be going." He stands up. The tension is gone. He must've felt it. Your despair to kiss him. You hate yourself for not just leaning in more and kissing him. You could've done it easily. But would he have wanted it? He didn't kiss you either, so maybe he doesn't want to. He reaches out for your hand, and you take his gladly and stand up. "Alright, let's get going. You're gonna be alright going down the ladder?" He nods. You go first. "I catch you if you fall." You say jokingly. You try to cover up the pain.