Track 07

Chapter Fourty-One

"Alright, let's see what you got!" You open Jimins fridge. It's fairly empty, but there's a bottle of vodka, ice cubes and some oranges. "Do you have some kind of sirup?" "What?" "If we want to drink cocktails, we need sirup." "I've got maple sirup." "Ew. Jimin have you ever mixed a cocktail?" "No, have you?" "Haha, that's what I do for a living. Give me 5 minutes, I go to the supermarket real quick. You can prepare the oranges and press them for me." Aaand you're out the door, before Jimin can ask any questions. He doesn't need to know about The Bangtan and the way you found his music.

10 minutes, a bag full of alcohol and other ingredients later, you arrive back at Jimin's place. He has already pressed the oranges and looks at you like you're an alien, while you mix one of your favourite cocktails. You usually don't drink, although you work at a bar. The problem is, you get waaay to horny when you're drunk and there are waaay to many guys trying to pick you up at work. Unless you don't want to wake up in a different flat every morning, you better not drink at work.

But this is not work and it's only one cocktail. You can definetely handle one frickin' cocktail. "Cheers! To Namjoon and Lynn!" Jimin smiles at you with the cutest smile on earth and chucks down the drink really fast.

That wasn't the only cocktail of the night.

You and Jimin are sitting on his roommate's balcony, although it's like 3 degrees outside. You're both wrapped in blankets, candles all around you, sipping the third cocktail of the night. The alcohol warms you from the inside. "Mmmmh. This one is even better than the one before. How do you know how to make cocktails like this?" Jimin is impressed, and totally sober. Apparentely he's used to drinking. Where as you... you're definitely not sober anymore. Jimins face is glowing and he looks even cuter than usual, if that's even possible. "I work at a bar, as a bartender." You struggle finding the right words, the alcohol slows down your 'thinking-speed'. You laugh at that word. Jimin looks at you, confused why you laugh all of the sudden.  He can't notice, that you're drunk. That would be too embarrassing, especially cause he's still sober. Or at least he seems like it. You have to act sober for him, so you try to ask a nonchalant question: "What do you do for a living?" Great! You're doing great!

"I don't do anything at the moment. I'm hoping on becoming a famous musician, remember? Until two months ago I worked at the café where you first met Namjoon-hyung. But I got so busy making music, recording stuff, time was precious. I didn't show up at work, so they fired me." He shrugs. You wonder how Jimin affords all of this. This flat, the CD he made at the expensive studio, food and stuff. But you decide not to ask, you don't want to make him uncomfortable. "You're wondering, how I afford all this right?" It's like he read your mind... again. "Yes. You don't have to tell me, if it makes you uncomfortable." You can see that there is grief in his eyes. Or maybe it's just the alcohol.

"My dad died a couple of years back, so my mom took over the company he owned. She's really good at it, even better than him. She takes classes all the time to learn new strategies. That's why I only see her twice a year. For my birthday, and for her birthday. She tries to make up for it by giving me money. I'd rather spend time with her, tho. It's not like we're super rich, or like I could take over the company one day, but at least I don't have to worry about rent right now. Since I can't take over the company, because I'm not interested in it, I sometimes still wonder how my future will turn out. Will I be able to pay my rent? With what job? The only thing I know is how to make music. And there are so many unsuccessful musicians out there. I don't want to become one of them. That's why our demo tape has to be perfect. I'm sorry I'm rambeling and pressuring you. You know I always try to be the best version of myself, but alcohol often brings out the side of me that worries, the side that is constantly anxious about the future."

You put one finger on Jimins soft and moist lips: "Shh, worry is always part of happiness, remember?" He smiles slightly, looking you deep into your eyes. And before you know it, your lips touch his.

Jimin doesn't move. His lips stay still and then after a couple of seconds, he slowly pulls away. "What are you doing?" He asks with sadness in his eyes. "I'm kissing you of course." You lean into him once again, but just before your lips touch his again he whispers: "Please don't."

You take three steps back. Suddenly you can feel how cold it actually is out here. You freeze. The blankets lie on the floor and it feels like the candles are miles away. You have never felt worse. How can he say that? Why doesn't he want to kiss you? He's been flirting with you the whole time. You turn around and run towards the door.

"It's just because you're drunk. I don't want you to feel bad afterwards." Jimin softly says. You swoosh around and shout: "And how do you think I feel now?" Tears run down your face.

You grab your bag and head outside.