Somehow Love is Found (BWWM)

Chapter 2: My Tranquilizer

"Clever how the cosmos can, in a single potent, be ingratiating yet sadistic."
-Julia Glass

Gosh, that was fun.

Humming to myself, I headed over to the library.

As soon as I entered, the librarian made a squeaking noise.

She feared me the most, but I loved her the most.

She was a young lady, with soft brown eyes and long brown hair. She had a heart-shaped face, soft pink lips that always shimmered with gloss. While the teachers kept it bland, she wore pastel-coloured dresses. She was thick, with a beautiful little belly that she always whined about when she spoke to her favourite regulars.

She would always talk about needing to lose weight and slim down.

The fact was, I loved her just as she was. 

I kinda hated that she too was scared of me, but I made it so.

"Good morning Miss Annie," I said.

"M-Miss Hale," she said, rather hastily.

I laughed.

"Miss, I told you. You have no reason to fear me. I do not harm flowers."

She scoffed and I sighed.

Even her scoff was music to my ears.

She was my first crush, the only one who welcomed me well into the school.

The fact that her welcome wasn't exclusively towards me, but towards anyone who felt alone, was what drew me to her. She was a goddess in my eyes, inside and out.

She wasn't fake like the "guidance" counselor. The only thing that bitch could guide you to is absolute disrepute and insanity.

She wasn't forceful like the older teachers.

Nor uncaring like the younger teachers.

Her words weren't poisonous like the cafeteria lady.

She was just perfect.

"Why are you s-staring at me like that?" she asked.

"You're really pretty," I said, my voice sounding rather husky.

She let out a weird noise and I blushed.

Oh dear, I'm really whipped.

I shook my head.

Remember what you came here for, you keep forgetting every time you see her Octavia.

"Anyhoo, I heard you got some new books in here."

She nodded.

"We finally got some nice books. Some classics. I know most of the kids won't borrow them. But, the plots are so beautiful and..."

I stood there, mesmerized as she went on and on about her love for classical literature. She'd have such a beautiful twinkle in her eyes whenever she'd talk about books.

I was in love.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! I just kept rambling on, please forgive me-"

"How many classics came in?" I asked.

"About twenty. Why do you-"

"I'll borrow all of them." 

********************************

And so it was that instead of taking home just Arthur Conan Doyle's masterpiece, I took home that and 19 more books.

I loved classics, yes, but I didn't know all of them.

Liar, you read them all.

I shrugged.

I will read them again.

And again.

And guess what?

Again.

I know she's at peace when she doesn't have to see me.

**********************************

I sat in the library reading Sherlock Holmes.

Since the content taught in the final year was 75% self-taught, I could afford to kick back and relax.

My grades weren't the best, but they were within the top ten.

In other words, satisfying enough to keep my parents from breathing down my neck.

I was the middle child of three children. My older sister was a doctor and my younger brother was a musical prodigy.

Yes, I was black, with skin the colour of mocha. My hair was long but puffy. I was of average height with a fit enough body. My boobs weren't big, but my ass? Hmmmmm, that was average.

I was, in the words of my parents, "a bullying bookworm". They had no expectations of me, since to them all I ever do was disappoint them.

And you know what?

I loved it.

I loved seeing that crestfallen look on their faces whenever they'd have to "discipline" me. I loved the "punishments" they gave:

1. Lock me in my room. I loved my room anyway. It was my favourite place in the whole wide world. They'd usually do this during the summer holidays.

2. Extra chores. I didn't mind it, it was a nice distraction.

3. Counseling. I saw it as a game. How long it would take before the facade they made broke. I remember one time I pushed one of them so much he drew a knife on me. He's in jail now.

4. Take my phone away. Who needs a phone when you have a laptop? They wouldn't dare take it away, for fear that they'd mess up my studies.

5. Set me up on dates. Same as counseling, I knew how to piss boys off.

Nobody knew my weakness.

Except for Miss Annie, she knows that she's the only person that can truly stop me. But she fears me so much she'd never even try to.

She doesn't even know that with one pleading glance I'd stop immediately.

She doesn't know that she's my tranquilizer.

***********************************************

The bell rang, signalling that it was time to go to classes.

I had Sociology to attend.

I figured that if I was gonna be an absolute fuck up, I might as well be an absolute smart fuck up.

Grabbing the stacks of books that I decided to borrow, I signed for them and had them added to my borrowed list.

Ms. Annie looked at me with wonder, something she always did whenever I borrowed something that she was interested in.

Ah, she could slap me and I'd apologize for making her waste her energy on me.

Maybe I was obsessed.

But I suffered an absolute gay panic around her.

"Do come again Miss Hale," she said, handing me the books.

I blushed.

"T-thanks Ms. Annie," I whispered.

Taking the books, I left hurriedly.

She was a taste of humanity.

I wanted immortality.

It would never work.

Sighing sadly, I went to my class.

*****************************

Love interest?

I kinda have plans for every character I introduce.

I know of some girls who actually had crushes on girls. 

I believe that nobody is truly straight, but that's my problem.

Next chapter coming up...whenever.

-Safiello