Heart Of Fire; Veins Of Ice | Kimetsu No Yaiba Fanfic (Kyojurou's POV)

Chapter 15

His first instinct is to gouge out his left eye.

He hates it. It's a reminder that he's become the very thing he had sworn to destroy. And when he sees it in the mirror, it drowns him in guilt, and his own incompetency. Failing to kill Akaza, and failing to die and stay dead as well. 

If he'd died on the battlefield, protecting Kamado-kun and his friends, as well as the other passengers, there was no other death he'd ask for. Staring into his own eyes, he closes his right and tests out his left. It works like a normal human, like his old eye, the one which Akaza had smashed in just before he put a hole through his spine and permanently paralysed him from waist down.

It is his now.

He had sworn on his own blade, he'd rather commit Seppuku* rather than become a demon. Masahiko gives him a comforting pat on his shoulder, before he leaves him alone in the mirror. He doesn't want to be alone, especially with himself, but Ren was there as well, and that was a relief. He didn't think he could stand being alone with It.

He touches his left eye, gingerly with his left hand, as he covers it up with his palm. Ren nuzzles his head into his neck.

His own skin is still icy cold to touch.

He's grateful that Masahiko hadn't killed him yet. A part of him wants him to. Another, wants to live.

For disgracing the Demon Slaying Corps, the other pillars, his brother, and his father, and his...his mother. What would she say if she saw him then? He can hear his father's disgust, see his brother's horror, and the hatred the other pillars would have for him. And his mother... Her disappointment in him would break him. The other pillars would hunt him down. They would kill him, for being a demon.

He wonders if this is how Nezuko felt, but Kamado-kun had been by her side throughout their entire journey. He wonder what Okayata-sama would say of him. Understanding or disappointment?

He's never felt more alone. Even with Ren by his side, and he knew he was bound to fly back to inform the others, he's trapped in this fate. His fingers curl around the armrest hard enough to crack the lacquered wood. He breathes. And he can't use what he's spent the past majority of his life learning, He can't use the Breathe of Flames. And he's cold. He's so, so cold.

Masahiko knocks before he opens the door, and he brings a warm blanket and several more warm towels, handing them to him as he accepts it gratefully. He removes the previous one around his neck, which his gone cold, as he places the next one around his neck and wraps another around his forehead.

"I won't kill you or hand you over the the Corps," He speaks, as Kyojurou looks a him, and he bows his head in gratitude.

"Thank you for choosing to save me," He speaks, voice cracking. Masahiko gently removes his left hand from his left eye, before his ties a towel diagonally and covers his left eye for him. He was too kind. He should be dead. By all means, dead. He was an abomination. He would fall to his demon instincts sooner or later. And before he were to harm someone, he wold much rather die.

Ren pecks his cheek, as he brings up his right hand and pets him on the head.

He could not give up so easily. There had to be a way out of this. 

For now, he still had some time. Ren could not fly back with both of his wings broken. Masahiko was willing to help him, and take care of him. He might as well use the regenerative abilities of a demon to bring back his ability to walk again.

*Seppuku- Suicide via disembowelment. Done willingly and voluntarily to restore honour.