The Deal

Chapter 50

Haven't updated in a fat minute! My apologies I'm so sorry! Hope everyone's being safe!
The translations for what Christian says in French will be written down below at the end of the chapter!

~~~

Growing up my mom talked about love a lot. Especially for someone who claimed to not believe in it. She said she didn't believe love with a spouse, other half, etc, could ever last. That love does run dry. I didn't believe her. I couldn't. I needed to believe that somewhere in the world someone was waiting for me, waiting to fall in love with me!

I can't say I'm glad I didn't take her words to heart, but I can't say that I wish I had either. Opening up my heart in a way, allows others to come in and well show me new things. Teach me that love is real in some type of way, even if it's not the way I had imagined it to be.

Sure most of my ideas about love growing up came from tv screens and the romance section in the library. But they helped in away. My mother never taught me about boys. She taught me about their intentions though! She had a saying; "A guy doesn't want you for your mind he wants you for what's between your thighs."

She'd say it whenever I even mentioned a boy in my class or even brought up a cute actor! That's how serious she was about it.

In a way, I liked to think my mother was trying to guard my heart when saying all this, but I knew she was just trying to mend her own broken one by assuring herself that a man wanted nothing more from her and never would!

With that I wish my mother could be the one to help me understand heartbreak, to understand why I'd ever risk opening up and loving someone if it'd only end in disaster for myself! Why risk hurting yourself that much?

Was it honestly worth it? Getting your heart broken so many times just to find "the one"

And to believe I might've...

I should've seen that I hadn't. The signs were all there. The red flags and all! But sometimes in love, you really are blinded. Either that or you see the red flags and choose to purposely look away from them.

Sure Christian didn't have many red flags, but one red flag is enough I feel...

"Zaina? What are you doing in bed?" I sit up from my bawled up position in bed. My hair was in a messy bun and I wore my pajamas still.

I wondered if she could tell that I'd been crying.

"Umm- not feeling good today." I murmur. It took a lot to pull myself together and put a mask on so that my mother wouldn't see that I wasn't okay. Not that she'd ever really notice.

"But how about work? School?" Id skipped both. Of course, calling into work and telling Veronica I'd woken up with a stomach bug of sorts.

"Don't worry about it." I gave a shrug. I tried avoiding eye contact with her. My eyes were probably red and puffy from my previous pathetic crying session.

I tried avoiding her when she walked closer. Her hand went to my chin and forced me to look at her. She examined my face with narrowed eyes.

"Zaina..." she gave out a sigh, letting go of my face.

"I am your mother. I know you hide things from me- I know you have many secrets. So tell me the secret that has you crying and staying in bed." She crossed her arms, staring at my intensely.

I shake my head already allowing the tears to pour down my cheeks.

"It's nothing." I murmur.

"Zaina," she had her usual warning tone in her voice. She used that a lot on me growing up. Now it didn't work as much but enough for me to spill the beans without sharing too much.