Deadly Double Love

Deadly Double Love 5

The pain in my chest made it impossible to breathe, let alone finish my revolting lunch. I hurled it in the trashcan fled from the lunchroom as fast as I possibly could. I sprinted to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I was grateful that I was alone so no one would hear my sobs. However, after a minute, I heard the bathroom door squeak open and I pressed my fist to my mouth so I wouldn’t make any noise.

“Did you hear that Rory Clark asked that new girl out?” one girl asked.

“Oh yeah, um Addie somethingorother!” the other girl replied.

“Yeah! I mean, I can’t blame him- she’s gorgeous! But I’m way jealous,” the first girl said.

“Same!” the second girl exclaimed. “Isn’t she like that Kitty girl’s cousin though?”

“Yeah, I’m not really sure they’re actually related. I mean they don’t look anything alike!”

“I know, right? It’s like Addie’s super pretty, but I don’t know what went wrong with Kitty…”

“Totally! I mean, most of it is natural ugliness, but she totally could help her looks out at least a little if she didn’t wear those dorky glasses.”

“And if she figured out what a hair straightener was.”

“And she’s really got to get rid of that extra weight. She’s looking a little chunky, you know?”

“Totally.”

I sat in silence on the grimy toilet seat for the duration of their conversation and it wasn’t until they left that I let myself start sobbing again. I felt like someone had thrown a rock at my stomach. I felt completely sick. I didn’t know that people thought of me that way. I didn’t think that of myself. I had always been comfortable with how I’d looked. Until now. I felt like I was the ugliest person to ever walk the face of the Earth. I didn’t want to be thought of the way those girls, and probably everyone else, thought of me, and so at that moment I vowed to myself that I would never be such an ugly dork again. I had to change. Now.

I grabbed my glasses off of my face and snapped them in half. I took one half in each hand and squeezed as hard as I could. I felt the lenses snap and crumble in my palms and it felt good. When I opened my palms they were bright red, filled with blood. The lenses must have cut into the soft flesh of my hands. I didn’t care. In fact, I liked it. My hands stung and throbbed with pain, but I was happy. I knew I deserved it for being such a loser.

I dumped the bloody pieces of my glasses in the toilet and gathered up some toilet paper. I dabbed it against my sore palms until the bleeding stopped, then threw the soggy red mess in with my glasses. I felt good about getting rid of my awful glasses, but I couldn’t keep my mind off of the comment the one girl had made about my weight. I immediately felt like a fat pig. It didn’t make things any better that I had eaten that revolting hot dog. I wanted it out of me- now. I leaned over the toilet bowl and stuck my finger down my throat, trying to make myself vomit. However, I simply couldn’t. I tried again, but still no luck. On my fifth try, I heard the bell ring and quickly stood up and flushed the toilet. I grabbed my backpack and pushed the stall door open just as a flood of girls poured in to check their hair and makeup before going tot their next class. I pushed through them out the door. 

I jogged to my next class while rubbing my eyes. It felt weird not being able to see, but I knew it was for the better. I entered the classroom just as the bell rang, completely breathless. I saw Addie was already there; she must have gotten one of her new friends to show her the way. Of course, she was sitting in the seat next to mine. I sat down with a sigh and pulled out my notebook. However, instead of taking notes on a slideshow like I was supposed to be doing, I thought about how I was going to change.