Deadly Double Love

Deadly Double Love 6

I awoke to my stomach growling and making all sorts of hungry noises. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so hungry. Trying to ignore it I rolled over and looked at my clock only to be disappointed to see that it was only two in the morning. I wished it were later so I could go down and have breakfast. I wanted to go down and sneak a midnight snack. I couldn’t though; it would only add to my already enormous weight. So I snuggled back under the covers and curled into a ball, trying to think of anything but food.

            I couldn’t fall back asleep. Instead, I got up and switched on my lamp. Light filled the room and I walked over to my desk. I opened one of my desk drawers and pulled out my art supplies. I ripped a piece of lined paper out of my math notebook and placed it on my desk. As I spilled the bag of supplies out on my desk I thought of what to draw. I decided to draw myself as I couldn’t think of anything else.

I started with my head. I sketched in the features of my face and covered the top of my head with messy, wavy hair. I then added a neck and branched shoulders off of it. I extended my shoulders into arms and added hands. I drew my torso, my legs, my feet. I put down the pencil and grabbed a green marker to color in my shirt. As I colored I looked at my drawing, really looked at it. I realized the shirt I had drawn on barely covered my pudgy belly. I couldn’t stand looking at it and threw down the green marker. Tears welled in my eyes; I hated myself for looking like that. As I rummaged in the pile of supplies for a blue marker to color in the pants that covered my mile-wide thighs, my hand brushed against something cold. I grabbed a hold of it and separated it from the rest of the stuff to look at it. It was a pair of scissors, my shears from the period of my life where I had been into sewing.

As I stared at the gleaming silver surface of the extremely sharp scissors I thought about everything that I had gone through in the last few days. All of the pain I had gone through ripped through me again and I felt completely overwhelmed. I was consumed with hate and anger towards my dad and Addie, but mostly myself. When I couldn’t stand the pain any longer I looked back down at the scissors in my hand. I opened them up, separated the two sharp metal pieces. I didn’t hesitate as I pressed one cold blade to the soft flesh of my inner forearm.

As soon as the shears pierced my skin I gasped in surprise and released them. They fell to the floor with a muted thump. I looked at the cut, which now was rimmed with red as my blood began to flow out of it. It was painful, but in a good way. I immediately felt a rush of euphoria alongside the pain. I felt like along with the blood, my inner pain was seeping out as well.

I felt better. I was no longer as stressed, angry, or upset as I’d been before. I breathed a huge sigh and slumped back in my desk chair. I felt a little more at peace than before and was actually kind of tired again. I picked up the scissors from the floor and wiped the blood from them on a tissue. I made my way to the bathroom to rinse off the blood from the cut I’d made. I then stumbled into bed and switched off the light. I was so exhausted that I drifted off within seconds. 

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Sorry this chapter's pretty short, but it's a pretty dramatic turning point in Kitty's life so I didn't

want to make it any longer. More soon though!! :)