| Fillie ~ Oneshots |

~What I Want~

<3

⚠️Trigger warning: abusive relationship, depression, suicidal thoughts,

| What I Want |

~
(Millie's POV)

I sighed as I looked over to Finn, his beautiful dark brown eyes looking into mine. I felt my heart race faster and faster as his mouth upturned more into a smile.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer towards him. And we stayed in comfortable silence for about two minutes. "Mills... i want to stay like this forever." He whispered into my ear, and I shivered. "Me too.." I looked up at him to find him already looking at me. We both stayed staring at each other for a few seconds.

"Hey.. uh i-is it okay if I k-kiss you..?" Finn blushed and put his head down, but using his eyes to look up at me. I giggled and brought my hands to his face, making him turn his head towards me. I nodded and he smiled adorably.

We both laughed softly and then we got closer, it feeling like a force was pulling us together, as I repeatedly glanced from his eyes to lips. We were almost there, our lips brushing up against each other,

"Millie?" I felt a hand shake my shoulder harshly as my eyes fluttered opened from the wonderful dream. "You we're moving a lot in your sleep. It was getting kind of annoying." Jacob, my boyfriend spoke and I sighed.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized for no reason and he smirked, "I'm sorry..?" He waited for me to finish his statement, while raising an eyebrow. "I'm sorry babe, I can't control my movement in my sleep." I said and sat up slowly, flashbacks from the dream coming back.

"Please don't talk back to me baby.. you know I don't like that." He scooted towards me, brushing a piece of hair out of my face. I didn't like when he touched me. I have to deal with it everyday.

I looked down, trying to hide my terrified expression. I didn't want him to see me while being scared, I just wanted him to leave me alone.. I'm tired of this toxic "relationship." But I have no option anymore, I'm kind of just.. stuck. He says there are consequences if I leave him.. and I don't want to even have a thought of what it is.

"I-I know.. I'm sorry Jacob." I stuttered with worry coating my morning voice. I got up softly and crossed my arms gently, walking to my bathroom and I felt Jacobs eyes on me. I sighed and closed the door quietly, once I had made it to the bathroom.

I used the bathroom and while washing my hands I observed myself in the dirty mirror. I frowned as I saw the many dark hickies on my neck and on my collar bones. I also had bruises other places.. they weren't noticeable right now though, my long sleeve and sweatpants were covering them.

I hated my life. I'm being taken advantage of, and I can't do anything about it. There's nothing I can do to defend myself at this point..

I looked down at my shaky hands and let a few tears fall. I let myself fall against the bathtub that stood behind me. I slid down, until I was in a sitting position. I began to sob, resting my head on my knees. Why can't I have him instead...

I didn't want Jacob. I wanted Finn and nothing could change my mind. He's my best friend.. and he's always been there for me, no matter what I've done. He respects me and doesn't make me do things I don't want to. Finn actually cares for me, unlike the son of a bitch I call my boyfriend.

My soul feels.. paralyzed when I'm with Jacob..

But when I'm with Finn it's like he brings color into my life.. like he fixes all the things I can't repair myself, which is everything.

I keep having dreams... or I keep imagining things, when I shouldn't. I'm forced to be in a relationship anyways, even if Finn felt the same.

I looked up from my resting position and wiped my tears. When I got up I glanced at myself in the mirror once more, taking in the red scratches, and a single bruise on my cheek.

I turned away from myself with sad eyes and reached for the golden doorknob, turning it and exiting the bathroom. "Why did you take so long?" Jacob asked, with his eyebrows raised.

"I j-just brushed my hair.." I said quietly, bringing my right hand up to my short hair. "Mhm.." he sat up straighter, obviously using his creepy eyes to observe me. He smirked and got up from the bed. I felt my heart drop as he walked over to me.

"Do you wanna go out tonight...?" Jacobs arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I stood frozen. I had told Finn I would go to his house tonight..

"B-babe I'm sorry.. I uh- have plans.." I whispered and I felt him tighten his arms around me. I shrieked and flinched in reaction from his sudden movement. He hit a bruise..

"With who?" He said, not feeling sorry at all, but just repeating a pattern of movement with his hands.  "Finn... you know he's my best friend babe." I looked down and I heard him scoff from behind me.

"You sure do seem to go there a lot." I shook my head in response to what he was thinking. "Jacob nothing happens. We're just friends." I said, those words hurting me, along with the psychical pain Jacob was causing. 

"Millie, why do I highly doubt that?" He released his rough grip on my hips and I turned around to face him quickly. "It's not my fault you don't trust me!" I yelled, coming up close to him and using my hands to emphasize what I had said.

"It actually is. You're always over there. I'm fucking tired of it." He clenched his jaw and I felt my eyes water up. "You can't ban me from another friend Jacob.. no." I shook my head and I heard footsteps come even closer to me, and I looked Jacob straight into his piercing eyes.

"What was that?" He asked, his breath hitting my tear-stained face. I had a burst of confidence and spoke, "me telling you that I'm not your damn object. I can make my own decisions, I'm a fucking grown adul-" my sentence got cut off by a familiar stinging feeling in my cheek, it hurt a lot, worse than it normally did..

I put my hand up to the red mark, and I looked down, my mouth staying agape. "Well if you're a grown adult you need to act like one." He walked away, exiting the room and leaving me with a red cheek. Even if it causes pain, i don't care what he says, I will see my fucking best friend.

-
Since there are already a lot of words I'm gonna split this into two partssssssss. :3
-Savannah