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All I see when I look up how to portray emotion is a picture with a thick font saying 'show, don't tell", but why shouldn't I tell? It is not a cliche to say:
Lauren couldn't stand the sickening feeling that rinsed in her stomach when she saw him. Anger that made her face red hot, and jaw clench. Sadness that made her heartache, and eyes sting. Jealousy that made her stomach churn, and blood boil. All because Dan wanted to focus on studying.
To Lauren, all he was studying was Faith's anatomy...
Just the thought of Dan kissing Faith a week before they broke up made her want to punch him where the sun doesn't shine, but the longing feeling of late-night movies with McDonald's french fries made her fists unclench, and shoulders sink.
All of this is great, but it is missing the third step, sure-fire way to win the reader over.
Step one! thoughts
Step two! emotions
Step three! actions
Its a well-known fact by pretty much all councilors and therapists that 'thoughts lead to emotions, emotions lead to actions'. Yes, the example above had all three, but not in order. instead, try this:
Lauren can't help but think of how she and Dan used to hold hands like that. The familiar warmth of his hand as he looks into her eyes with the brightest smile. But she'd never feel that again, and though she has accepted this, there's still a terrible sickness that comes crashing over her when Lauren sees him with her. She hates the way Dan sits next to Faith. It is as if Dan and Faith have been dating for years. Her face becomes red hot with anger as she shoves the thought deep back from where it came from, only to have a secondary feeling arise.
Jealousy rinses in her stomach when they laugh. She can't help but think of all the things that she has that Faith doesn't make her feel better. Why would Dan leave her? Lauren had good grades, good looks, she was nice-- which was more than faith could say-- and always there for Dan when he needed her. She could even cook! Her blood boils, and heartaches as a throbbing memory comes back. Like the jaw clenching thought of the two together, she shoves the sad memories into a dark box, locks it, then throws it in a river.
Lauren was done with Dan's childish games, and as she was overcome with all of her thoughts and emotions, She locks eye contact with Dan, then pulls her friend, Noah Jonson, by the shirt, and crashes her lips onto his. The boy was shocked, she could tell. She let all her emotions sink into him, melting into the kiss and letting her head slightly tilt while peter stays rigid.
She pulls away, engaged in the feeling of letting go, and the terribly good feeling of revenge for cheating on her.
Oh yeah, that was a whole lot better, wasn't it? and I'm betting you it wasn't just the end part you liked. the description was so much better, and you were able to read and understand what Lauren was thinking, feeling, and going through. I spent my time on it too, so here's step four:
Step four! take your time
Also, I am open to any book suggestions, and if you need help feel free to PM me I do not care and I don't judge.
MAJOR POINT!!! I'm publishing<3 that's right, I'm finally doing it so I hope this goes well. My book is titled lift, and it goes by its own plot as soon as civil war is finished:)
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