The Pain is all worth it.

Day 19

It attacked so suddenly that I didn't saw it coming..

I woke up feeling grateful. I did yoga and pilates and ate nutritious food. I am consistent with my affirmations and mantras and prayers. I felt great.

Friday night and I met with a friend with my partner in life. Feeling positive after hearing good news for our business, I felt so excited. The Lord has finally answered my prayers. Laughing with my friend, we seperated full of joy. She dropped us off at a coffee shop and my partner and I started to talk about our game plans. My best friend from another country is coming to my country so Henson and I are writing her motivational quotes on small notes. I couldn't afford luxurious ones so I hope she'd appreciate our effort. I am writing every quotes I read on Pinterest while my hubby rolls it and put it in a jar. Everything was fine. Everything was great. Everything was calm. Everything was at peace. When we finished writing the notes and putting them in a jar, we remembered that we actually didn't had our dinner! And so we went to have some soup because of the cold weather.

Things started to shift differently when we were walking. Suddenly, I found myself screaming at him and arguing with him. We walked and talked and walked and talked. It was a mess. He tried so hard to calm me down. He got his own panic attack that he couldn't find the words to answer my madness. It was painful. It was hard. I was disappointed with myself. I hate how I have to tell him what to do. I hate how he don't get immediately what I meant. I hate him!

Then I got scared. I got scared how I am hurting ourselves so much. I was feeling sorry. I was feeling bad. Was I the villain? I was begging him to help me.

God saved me. Hubby mentioned how much the Father loves us. My heart stopped beating very fast and gone back to normal. I kept my mouth shut until I fallen asleep.

It was hard. But God saved me. It was painful, but God is with me. We all need to call unto Him. Always and forever.