Chicago

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Saint couldn't help but have the worst thoughts of the woman standing in front of him. The woman who called herself a "mother" just for the simple fact that she gave birth to him. She had no part in his upbringing but had everything to do with his downfall.

Christina felt the disgust he presumed onto her. She immediately regretted her decision to meet him after all these years. She felt like taking her things and going right back to where she came from, leaving her son for good. After all, he didn't need her anymore. All the hard work was done—he was raised and in charge of his own life.

"I'm sorry but why are you here?" Saint asked. He then looked at Zaine and Nicki who he momentarily resented for allowing her into his space. He was over her. He no longer had any aspirations to meet her, reconcile with her or even get to know her. She was dead to him and he wanted to keep it that way.

"I wanted to see you. It's been so long and—"

"And there's no reason for you to be here. It's nice to meet you and all, but I'm not interested in anything that has to do with you." Saint responded.

"I figured you wouldn't but I wanted to at least try. Saint, I know you probably hate me and nothing I say can justify my absence but I want you to know that leaving you with Zaine and Nicki is a decision I will never regret and I will not apologize for."

"Yeah that's easy to say when you don't have to find out that your mother was a fucking thot who rather open her legs and pop pills than take care of her son."

Christina had a great urge to put her hands on him but reframed. He has every right to be angry with me, she told herself as she took a deep breath. She looked at her son once again and tried to pick her words wisely.

"That's not how it happened."

"Then how did I happened? Why didn't you get right so that you could be a mother? A real mother."

"Saint do you know how young I was when I had you? How fucked up I was? I had no interest in being a mother at my age. I wanted to be young and do dumb shit." Christina answered honestly.

She never intended to get pregnant with Saint so early in her life. She was in between lovers, laying down with the finest boy she could get her hands on just to validate herself. She had no idea who his father was and even looking at her son didn't kick in a familiar face. She was ashamed of it and looking at him reminded her of it all. But everything happened for a reason and she was blessed to bring a handsome, healthy boy into the world.

"So why even have me?" Saint asked.

Christina shamelessly responded, "because I couldn't afford an abortion obviously."

The room fell completely silent as everyone took in her response. Saint felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He had never felt like such a waste of space. He felt like a burden for everyone—Zaine, Nicki and obviously his mom. Christina looked at her son and realized how hurtful her response was. She had to fix it.

"Saint, pretty much everyone on this earth is a mistake. Hell, if abortion was a thing back in mama's time, Zaine and I wouldn't even be here. You were meant to be in this world, look how life is turning out for you."

The statement felt like a punch in the stomach. He was an ex-convict on parole for drug possession and gang activity, he was a rookie for a notorious gangster trying to repair a shop that he had initially nothing to do with, he only had a high school diploma and graduated by the skin of his teeth, no job and nothing going for him.

"Ok, I think he's had enough." Zaine said as she came up behind his sister, placing his hands on her shoulders to ease her. Zaine knew life was less than pleasant for Saint but he had faith that he'd get it together eventually.