"In your soul I'm standing by."
---
October 29. 7:00 AM.
Somehow I fell asleep.
My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My back hurts cause I fell asleep in an awkward position on the couch.
What am I even saying? Scott could be hurt and I am ranting about my stupid head.
When I woke up, for a second I thought everything that happened in the last 2 days was just a dream.
But when realization hit me that it was not, it felt as if a brand new knife tore through my heart.
I need to hear some good news.
---
October 29. 8:30 AM.
Esther came back with Starbucks for all of us and I BROKE DOWN when she handed me my cup.
One moment I was looking at the sleeve and the next thing I knew I was crying like a lunatic, holding the sleeve in my hand and repeating "there's no message".
She apologized for being insensitive. Of course I knew it wasn't her fault. She only gave me coffee for fuck's sake.
I think I will go crazy if we don't find Scott soon.
---
October 29. 9:45 AM.
I want to go out and help the boys look for Scott but Kitty says I should stay home so that if Scott... when Scott comes back, I'd be here.
In my current state I might not be of any help anyway.
---
October 29. 10:20 AM.
Kitty has gone back to calling hospitals. She's trying the same ones she called yesterday and a few new others. The farther ones.
I'm torn between staying near her to listen to her making the calls and hiding in my room. I hold my breath with every call. I feel slightly relieved when they tell her Scott's not in their hospital but at the same time scared.
Esther tried to be discreet but I know she started contacting funeral homes.
I hate her for doing that. Why are we even looking there?
---
October 29. 11:00 AM.
If there is some higher being out there, please... I beg you.
Please let Scott be okay.
What do I have to do for him to be okay? Go to church? Help the poor? Adopt orphans? Adopt animals? Give more to charity? I'll do everything. Just please, please... I can't live without him.
---
October 29. 12:05 PM.
Scott's parents will be arriving soon. The boys will pick them up from the airport.
I really, really wish we have some good news by the time they get here.
---
October 29. 1:00 PM.
It can't be. Please, God, NO. IT CAN'T BE.
I want to scream but I can't find my voice.
I want to cry but I think even my tear ducts are shocked.
Everything hurts. Everything's numb.
Not everything. My heart... I can feel it shattering to a million pieces.
I can't breathe.
Oh my god this can't be happening.
I haven't told him how much I loved him.
We're supposed to grow old together.
We're supposed to grow old. Period. He's too young.
I don't think I can stand.
Kitty must be joking. But her face...
There's a John Doe. Patient X. Three cities away. Came in the other day... or night. I don't know. Badly bruised up face and body. No phone, no wallet, no ID. Found on the side of the road, brought in by paramedics. Resuscitated in the ER. Survived a few hours but eventually died. Currently in the morgue.
There's no ID but the description matches Scott.
They said we need to go there to identify the body.
What if it's him?
Oh my god.
I know I said I want to find him but not that way.
OH MY GOD.
IT CAN'T BE SCOTT.
HE CAN'T BE DEAD.
I'D DIE WITHOUT HIM.
OH MY GOD, PLEASE, LORD.
How can I even go there?
I can't breathe.
Someone please MAKE THE PAIN STOP.
I DON'T... I CAN'T...
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
I love him so, so much.
My Scott...
YOU ARE READING
Soundtrack (Scomiche)
FanfictionIt's been a while since Mitch Grassi has been dateless on Valentine's day. He gets pretty desperate and in his drunken state tries to hook up with his ex-boyfriend. But when he wakes up the following morning, he finds himself in bed with his best fr...
