It's all over

It's only me.

Blaine was sat nervously on my bed while I was stood awkwardly by the door he was playing with my sheets before he spoke ever so quietly "I didn't tell anyone" my eyes slammed open at that my high slowly sinking before he spoke again "I didn't tell anyone Kurt and I'm not going to but I want to know one thing" he looked at me with those gorgeous honey-hazel eyes that I could get lost in for days. Wait. What? He looked like a puppy a really sad puppy "I want to know that didn't see wrong. That what I think I saw was actually there and not my imagination" I sighed I wanted to comfort him but o didn't want to burden him with my problems. Well he probably wouldn't give a fuck anyway so I thought might as well. I approached him and slowly took a seat next to him on my bed I pulled up my sleeve slowly and did the same with the other one to reveal my arms displayed with many stages of self harm the extremely fresh ones from a few hours earlier to the ones that are a fading brown and the ones that are somewhere in between. He gasps and reaches for my arms he holds them underneath examining them throughly before a single tear ran down his cheek and he choked out "why" it was barely a whisper and that's when I swiftly pulled my arms away and rolled my sleeves back down. Years started spilling down my cheeks as I thought up the countless reasons that I'm a pathetic, worthless, fag and that won't change and I know it's true because I get told daily. "It doesn't matter why" I say back "yes it does Kurt of course it does, please please tell me why I want to help" he pleads more loudly this time. "Why do you care? It's only me" he looked extremely hurt by this before he spoke again " exactly" was the single word he uttered and then he left and ran out of my house.

I felt so awful after my conversation with Blaine. I was so drained physically, mentally, emotionally I felt like I was just done. Now someone knows. After so long of being alone with this someone finally fucking knows. He's probably going to tell the whole school. Everyone will know. Maybe I should just end it all. Quickly it's fine. It's not like anyone would care. It's not like anyone would miss me. I reach into my nightstand and grab a pen and a note pad. I decide maybe it's time I say goodbye to this fucked up world. My dad would be fine he has Finn now the son he always wanted. He has a new family: I'm probably just a reminder of the hurt and pain of my mothers passing. I start writing and rewriting checking and looking at it. The note has to be perfect it has to explain, I'm not sure what day I'll go through with it but I have to make sure everything is right and in order first.
****
After last night I decided to bring my weed to school with me I need something stronger if I'm going to get through this day. I walk into glee clubs morning meeting and take a seat at the very back when I see a familiar prep school boy with his hair slick back in gel sauntering into the room when Mr.Schue claps him on the back and says right guys this is Blaine our new member and he walks in with mostly welcomed smiles and cheers from most of the members except the resident 'it couple' 'finchel' seem pissed. Rachel is Finns annoying girlfriend who is the most obnoxious person I've ever met in my life if her head was any further up her own ass she'd be able to see the world through her teeth. Finn seemed to be threatened by Blaines presence as he looks the part of male lead but can he even sing? My train of thought was cut short when Finn shouted " Mr.Schue I'm all for new members but are we sure this guy can even sing" Finn, seemingly pissed, huffed in his seat whilst Mr.Schue replied " Blaine cape to me and auditioned he has an excellent voice in fact he was the lead singer of his old show choir  'the warblers'" "Mr.Schue I think it's great that you're bringing in people to sway I. The background while I blow people away with my start performances however I think it's way to close to sectionals to be messing up the dynamic" "Actually Rachel we're changing things up this year you will get one solo in sectionals because it's already been rehearsed but our duet will be between Sam and Quinn and Santana will get the next solo" "WHAT MR SCHUE PLEASE RETHINK THIS WE CANNOT THROW THE COMPETITION LIKE THIS" "oh will you just shut the fuck up dwarf" everyone's heads turned to me as I realised that I had just spoke out loud "umm Kurt you can't speak to people like that" Mr.Schue said gobsmacked "well first of all I didn't actually mean to say that out loud but second why? Why am I not allowed to talk to he like that when she constantly puts people in this room down? She diminishes us and you never say anything. Others outside this room treat us like garbage and you always talk about how in here we're a family and how we don't treat each other the way others treat us but her. She treats everyone in this room like we're nothing but dirt that she doesn't want to get on her hideous penny loafers that haven't been in style since the sixties for children. You Mr.Schuester never say anything towards her because everyone's too quick to never hurt her feelings hell Rachel has tonsillitis and it's the end of the world but I get bullied every single fucking day of my life and no gives a fuck and I'm expected to come to glee club dawg in the background behind little miss princess and take her shit too well I'm sick and tired of it and I won't do it no more. I fucking quit" and with that I left I ran out of that classroom and out of glee club forever.