It's all over

It's Fine

Fine a word that you huff out in an argument, a word uttered when you don't want to talk, a phrase spoken to hide the fact that you are not actually okay. I was using the latter because in this moment i was utterly terrified. The person I was running away from, the person I no longer wanted to see, the person who pities me, the person who doesn't want me and the person I still have a crush on was right in front of me helping me pick up an array of items I've dropped including the item that is extremely incriminating and it's not the cigarettes.

I calm myself down and snatch up the razors before he picks them up "what're you doing up these parts?" Blaine asks; there is no logical reason why I would be here so I just tell him the truth "I'm here to buy some snacks for a sleepover with some of the girls from glee club this weekend." I say

"It's a bit far for you to come for snack isn't it?" Blaine eyes me suspiciously and I'm scrambling to think of something as to why I would be here and then it hit me "uhh....cigarettes I....um didn't want anyone I know to see me buying them" I stutter out but he seems to believe me and i relax a bit more " Anyway see you at school" I mumble to try and get away from him quickly.

"Kurt wait!" Blaine says and I stop and look at him, I'm still mad and hugely embarrassed from our earlier encounter and all I want to do is just go home and take care of myself with my new razors but I can't help it something inside me is screaming for me to hear him out so I do "What?" I say bitterly and it came out a lot harsher than I expected it to but I'm still riled up so at least I'm talking to him. "I want to explain about earlier and why I acted the way I did" he says meakly and I feel sorry for him he looks like a puppy that's just been kicked and I feel my resolve melt undreneath those honey golden chasms that I get lost in every time I look into them. "Fine then explain" 

"Not here" he says and motions for me to follow him; we walked for a while until we stumbled upon a park where we took seats on the swings and were quiet. I was getting impatient as I stared at Blaine but he looked nervous and like he was trying to force himself to get the words out and without thinking I reached out and squeezed his hand in comfort just as he had done for me all those days ago.

He gave me a small smile and took a deep breath before he spoke " Okay well I guess it started when I was in freshman year when I came out my parents weren't really happy about it, that's an understatement, in fact they hated it they thought it would ruin their reputation my mom she was okay with it but my dad he was so worried about what the other families would think. What it would look like if he had a fag for a son. So he tried to convert me we played football and went to games which was great because I like football but I knew why he was doing it; he even bought a car and had us fix it up together because he thought that would make me straight" Blaine laughed bitterly " He was wrong obviously because that's not how it works and he started giving up and just ignoring me around this time I was out at school and it was coming up to the Sadie Hawkins dance and so I asked my friend, the only other gay guy in the school, if he wanted to go with me; it wasn't romantic or anything just platonic fun but both of us knew we wouldn't be asked by girls so it just made sense, his parents dropped us off and mine were supposed to pick us up and they were late we stood outside for twenty minutes after the dance just waiting when a group of jocks jumped us and beat us within an inch of our lives. My friend moved state his parents wanted him to be safe from those who did that too us and well I was in hospital for weeks I could of died that night if a teacher hadn't come over and stopped it." Blaine shuddered at them memory before saying "After I was released from hospital my mom had me transferred to Dalton my dad was less than enthusiastic to send me too an all boys school especially one of such high class where his colleagues had sent their kids, he didn't want me to socialize with them incase they told their parents that I was gay but he realized that with me at Dalton the majority of the time he had an excuse as to why I never went to work events or special dinners so it worked out well for him. He was happy because even though I was in show choir I was also in Dalton's fight club, super secret, but he was happy I was doing your average 'Straight guy things' . That was until I met this guy called Jeremiah in my sophomore year and we started hangin' out, one day he told me he liked me and we started making out on my bed, things got pretty heated and some of our clothes where discarded. what I didn't know is that my dad was planning on visiting me and he walked in on me and Jeremiah. That day he seemed so repulsed by me he forbid me from ever seeing Jeremiah again and took me out of Dalton and put me in McKinley." I stared at him and tried not to tear up at his story.

"Why didn't you just tell me. After everything I've told you and trusted you with; you couldn't do the same?" I enquired because I was hurt, I felt for Blaine no one should have to go through that but how couldn't he trust me after everything. "NO... Kurt I do trust you I do" his eyes were pleading and i couldn't not believe him but I needed to know "Why wouldn't you just tell me then?"

"Because I was ashamed.... I thought you might think of me as weak or see me as some sort of slut because I'm not that kiss with Jeremiah was my first and ye it may not have been the most romantic thing ever but it was mine." Blaine finished with a small smile. 

"What about you?" He asked "What about me?" I answered "What was your first kiss like? was it as horrible as mine?"  Blaine enquired with a mischievous smile I blushed and looked down before answering " I um I haven't....technically had my first kiss....I mean I did make out with Brittany when i was in sophomore year when I was pretending to be straight but I've never had one that counts." I barely stuttered out and Blaine looked at me gob smacked "how have you never kissed anyone before" Blaine all but yelled and I whined "There's not exactly a string of gay guys at McKinley waiting to kiss me is there?" I retorted sarcastically.

After we talked some more I started walking away and as I stood up the razors fell from my back pocket and before I knew it Blaine held them up in front of my face before he let out a chocked off "Kurt".