It's all over

It Wasn't an Accident.

I feel heavy! Everything is heavy! A crushing weight that I cannot keep up. My eyes blink but nothing all I see is darkness. My fingers twitch but nothing I feel empty. My ears try to listen but all they hear is silence. Did I do it? Am I free? Did it work? These questions run through my head until light enters the space.
My eyes blink one....two...three times before a blinding white light seeps into my corneas. My fingers twitch before I grasp a soft but scratchy material. My ears twitch as a piercing sound of a machine beeping spits into my ears.

When my eyes eventually open, I am surrounded by white. White walls. All I can see ahead of me is white walls. I hear a door creek and struggle to turn my head to see who it is when I do I see my dad he looks aged slightly with worry, forehead creased in a line of concern, his eyes have dark circles under them puffy and red. A look of relief and fear flashes on his face has he realises I'm awake. He looks as if he's about to speak but then runs out of the room. Fear wracks my body as the thought crossed my mind that he's gone. He's gone and he's never coming back that was it. I'm a disappointment and I should have succeeded.

After a few minutes as I stare empty at the painfully white walls the door creeks again. This time I don't turn to look at it I just stare ahead at the white walls imagining that peace I felt when it was nothing but darkness. "Excuse me Mr.Hummel?" I hear a female voice slice through the near silence like a knife. I turn my head and give her a quarter smile. I know she can see through the cracks. There is no point holding up a facade any longer. They all know. They're all judging me that's why he left that's why my dad left. "Your father told me that you woke up and I'm here to check on you and make sure everything is okay." I nod silently at her statement my eyes flying to the door after she said my dad was the one to get her. "If you're looking for your dad he is just outside I will invite him back in in just one moment. He is also calling some family about the news I suppose." My face went blank immediately I started to panic and scratch my hand. Fear struck me in that moment everyone knows the whole school must know by now. How is this okay. "So Mr. Hummel"-"Kurt" I interrupted "so Kurt my guess is this was no accident am I correct?" I hung my head in shame and weakly nodded at her question. " well your vitals seem steady your hear rate is even..can I just check your wounds for infection and then I will re-bandage them up okay?" I nod weakly not feeling able to speak up.  "Okay everything looks good there's no evidence of infection and they seem to be healing quite nicely" she said sweetly but with a hint of authority to her voice.

Once the doctor left the room I was once again alone with my own thoughts. A few minutes passed when my dad, Carole and Finn cane bustling through the door. My dad was the first one to speak up " hey bud how you doin'" "kinda sore a little groggy" I deadpanned "Kurt bud we need to know how this happened, the doctors told me it wasn't an accident and I know in my heart you wouldn't do that Kurt. I know things where rough once when you picked up that pamphlet but you have friends no Kurt! We have a good relationship again! Tell me please that this was an accident" he said emotion seeping out of every pore in his being. "IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT" I yelled back as tears spilled down my cheeks like a river.