Chapter 25.

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I was always rude as a kid. Passive-aggressive and mean. At the same time, I was shy. It was s strange combination. Most people would think that the shy kid was friendly when you got to know them. Not me. Everyone who approached got sent away with an unpleasant comment and a glare. If someone came too close or looked at me too smugly, I would lash out at them. Hannah was the only one who kept coming back every time I sent her away. She was stubborn and playful, always trying her hardest to get me to loosen up and be more social. In the end, she succeeded and I no longer growled at strangers who spoke to me. I started smiling and softened up to people. By the time high school came around, I was still the shy kid, but I was the friendly shy kid. I wasn't the sweetest or most pleasant to be with, but Hannah made sure that I met new people and went out like everyone else.

A bad attitude, unfortunately, didn't seem to keep the suitors away.

The restaurant wasn't too crowded but we definitely weren't alone. I looked at the two men in front of me. One of them rubbed his achy side, the other nervously fiddled with his shirtsleeves. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. All I knew was that the had to be clear about my emotions. I was never a heartbreaker and I wasn't intending on becoming one.

"Okay," I started, placing both of my hands on the table we sat at. "I fucking hate relationships. Like... I'd rather put a toothpick under my toenail and kick a wall than get married."

Both of them looked petrified, mouths open agape. The cringing blossomed in their eyes like wildfire, goosebumps pricking their skin.

"What the fuck, Micah?" Jayden choked out. "Why'd you put that image in my head?"

"Oh, that's nothing, honey," I growled. "You put a little person in me. There's a literal wiggling meat lump with little limbs in my stomach."

"You make it sound so gross..."

"It. Has. A face."

"Don't call him an 'it', Micah..." Kennedy murmured.

"Yeah. That's a baby, not a meat lump..." Jayden muttered.

"Shut up Jayden. You don't know what I've been through."

"Actually..." He mumbled, making me flinch. What had Hannah told him after I fell asleep? "Never mind..."

"That's what I thought..." I grumbled. "Now let me get back to what I was saying. Despite hating relationships, I am willing to give this a go as long as we can take this slow."

For the second time within a few minutes, I seemed to have said something so strange and dazzling that both Jayden and Kennedy fell silent. Something in their perplexes gazes told me that I was either about to be praised or butchered like a fat big around Christmas. The worst part was that I couldn't tell which one it was, they just stared at me, eyebrows slightly furrowed and lips pulled to thin lines in scepticism. I swallowed. They both looked like hungry dogs staring at food they knew they weren't allowed to touch. Feast or hold back? Do it aggressively or with grace?

Jayden threw Kennedy a questioning look to which Kennedy nodded. "How slow is 'taking it slow'?" Jayden mumbled.

"I... I dunno... Just... don't do anything I'd be uncomfortable with..."

"Your safe-word is 'Vanilla', remember it." Jayden said with a serious face. In fact, I'd never seen him look so serious. It kind of turned me on while making me want to fight him at the same time, a weird combination but one I was all for and definitely willing to try out if it hadn't been for the fragile bulge on my stomach

"Got it." I said.

I'd like to consider myself a power bottom. Usually I wasn't the submissive type, but being around someone as dominant as Jayden made me surrender like a puppy tucking its tail between its legs when faced with a growling wolf. I couldn't help it. Submitting to him felt safe in a way. Safe while at the same time disquiet and flustering. I was never sure what tricks he had up his sleeve or when he'd whip them out. Kennedy was easier to read. His eyes spoke the truth and he could barely lie without making it look comically bad. Watching Kennedy lie was like watching a bad sitcom from the early 2000s but without the cutaways or music to make it less awkward. Therefore, I was thankful that Kennedy stuck to telling the truth.

"So this is official?" Kennedy mumbled shyly. His face was bright red. "C-Can I call you my boyfriends..?"

I cringed at that word. Nothing would've pleased me more than to have it erased from my vocabulary and replaced with a useless word like 'Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis' or 'Honorificabilitudinitatibus'. Words so long and complicated that no one bothers to read or pronounce them correctly.

"Of course you can!" Jayden chuckled.

"Vanilla..." I growled. "But you can do it as long as I don't have to hear either of you say it. And if either of you say it when I'm around, you die."

"Babe..." Kennedy whimpered as he looked about ready to cry happy tears but before he could say anything else, I raised my index finger.

"If you ever call me by a pet name ever again, you die..."

"Yes, Micah."

"Don't worry, Kenny, it's the hormones talking..."

"I would yell at you for that but we are in a restaurant..." I growled lowly as Jayden smiled smugly at me.


Jayden's house was full that evening when Kennedy and I came over. Earlier in the week, we agreed to have dinner together at his place on Friday. Only I hadn't realised that all of his roommates would be there as well. I was stuck in a personalised twilight zone. Never had I thought that I would ever allow myself to enter a relationship again, especially after what happened the last time. I shivered at the thought, not wanting to remember.

I pulled my blanket tightly around my body. Jayden's sweatpants threatened to fall down every time I walked and therefore, I had glued myself to the couch, staring at the tv with a grumpy expression. Both Kennedy and Jayden were in the kitchen, cooking what smelled like mac n cheese. The guy who opened the door for me when I came by the last time kept glancing at me. Every time our eyes locked, he'd look away and I'd frown. He obviously had something he wanted to ask and constantly catching him looking in my direction was quite annoying. Jayden's other roommates were playing super smash bros. It seemed like the only thing they ever did. I wanted to take a nap.

"Micah do you prefer bacon or no bacon?" Jayden asked and peaked through the door.

"Usually I'd say bacon, but not right now... I want ketchup though." I mumbled, still keeping a close eye on Joe or whatever his name was.

"You want your mac n cheese... with ketchup..?" Jayden chuckled.

"You got a problem with that?" I grumbled.

"Not at all!" Jayden laughed. "I'll make sure you get some!"

The living room looked very different from how it had looked at the party they threw. It was quite tidy, most likely because of Jayden and his cleaning habits. After another few minutes of waiting, I decided to lie down, covering myself with the blanket and absentmindedly listening to the Nintendo game in the background. It was raining, water tapped against the windows as it poured down outside. Just the sound made me sleepy. I always had a strange love for rain. When it rained outside, I would become calm and comfortable, a sleepy stillness that rocked me gently. But I hated rain. I hated going outside in the rain and I hated even thinking of being outside in rain. Even if I had an umbrella, I still hated rain. I despised it with all my heart. Nothing could quite ruin my day like the sky deciding to piss on me. My feelings for Jayden were quite similar to my feelings for rain. Kennedy was fine to be around most of the time, but Jayden was like a game of hide and seek; fun and exciting in the beginning until it becomes too much and you get anxious and bored, wanting to stop but not knowing how and feeling bad for possible ruining someone else's fun. I shut my eyes tightly and buried my face in a pillow that laid by my side.

Not much had changed since I agreed to enter a relationship with Jayden and Kennedy. Neither one had treated me any differently and they hadn't tried to make a move. Even though I could tell that they were needy and horny, they didn't try anything. None of them even tried to kiss me or hold my hand. Their lack of affection made me wonder if they actually understand what I meant when I told them I'd give the relationship a try. 'Your safe-word is vanilla' Jayden told me that day. Yet, he hadn't given me a reason to say it. I never even thought of saying it. Why have a safe-word if there isn't a single threat or worry?

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