This is a Safe Place.

12/13/19

Stupid. Ugly. Liar.

I'm a stupid, ugly, liar according to my ex. I'm stupid becuase I believed him telling me he loved me. I'm ugly becuase I'm flat, I'm underweight, my face is gross. I'm a liar becuase I accused him "wrongly" of doing things that he 100% did to me.

Selfish. Worthless. Irresponsible.

I'm selfish, worthless and irresponsible according to my mother. I'm selfish because I take time to care for my needs like washing my clothes, making myself food, going to sleep. I'm worthless because I don't do anything, I sit at home on my ass and do nothing. I'm irresponsible becuase I "forget" to take my medications, I "forget" to eat, I "forget" the sharp knives are in the dishwasher when I'm unloading it, but maybe I just don't care and wouldn't mind if any of that killed me.

Awful. Annoying. Asshole.

I'm an awful, annoying, asshole according to my father. I'm awful becuase I argue with my mother when she lies about stuff that I have said. I'm annoying becuase I want what's best for my dad, even if that means living without my mother, I'm an asshole becuase I "make" my mom cry even though I haven't said a word yet, it's as though my presence repulses her so much that she is brought to tears.

Bitch. Know-it-all. Whore.

I'm a bitch, know-it-all, and a whore according to my freshman year bully. I'm a bitch becuase I tried to stand up for myself. I'm a know-it-all becuase I told her that I knew how she felt, but she didn't want to hear that. I'm a whore becuase she tried to sexually assault me and I gave up on fighting.

Wimp. Fag. Slut.

I'm a wimp, fag and a slut according to the guy that I slapped in ASL becuase he got in my face, wouldn't back off after telling him to, then snapping my bra strap. I'm a wimp becuase I couldn't "take the heat" of him in my face. I'm a fag because of how I dress and my sexuality. I'm a slut becuase I "liked" him in my face and "fool around with guys", which isn't true, right?

I hate myself.

I hate that I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm a liar, I'm selfish, I'm worthless, I'm irresponsible, I'm awful, I'm annoying, I'm an asshole, I'm a bitch, I'm a know-it-all, I'm a whore, I'm a wimp, I'm a fag, I'm a slut.