artist:H Koyoht Luterman (2007)
"Al-u-ca-rd!"
"What do you want your old, dirty minded American bitch? I'm busy shooting at Frenchie and insulting Police Girl. Next is phasing through the ceiling to give my master a migraine as she is due for her next one."
"My Sands of Time is a big hit!"
"The one with horrendous historical inaccuracies? And you say you're a lover of history."
"Hey Țepeș! The queen is like 60 years older than me, and you talk dirty to her! I'm considered a cougar, Mister!"
"Yes, draga mea(Romanian, my dear), but you're not the Regina..."
"Fine! The story is now ranked:
#10 Out 4.22k for vampire romance,
#32 for Hellsing out of #958, and the best just for you All Father,
#59 for 1.05k Alucard."
"Hmm, perhaps you could make a good pet? Do you need any inspiration draga mea?"
"No,I have a pretty good imagination, and you would just inspire my beloved husband to stake your pale @ss."
"Oh really? "
"Don't get your dick caught in your zipper. He hates even the concept of vampires."
I must meet him... only a human can kill a monster."
"Well, it wouldn't be for a lack of trying to kill you, Alucard. He hates you the most because I write about you."
"How sweet, so any more future stories of me?"
"Of course, everyone loves immortal, psychotic sadists with unhealthy oral fetishes and lethal bloodletting. You are the king of kink, Shadow King. You could use your shadows as tentacles and do Japanese hentai. "
"Hentai? How is it you write vampire smut but have such an unromantic view of us?"
"Forget I said anything about hentai All Father. As for vampires, it's a love/hate thing. You Voivode are my weaknesses. The doomed prince who loses everything and my female characters want to help you redeem your soul so that you may finally die in peace. Well, you are also the top bad boy alpha, too."
"Mmm, how romantic for me, foolish woman. This is the second time you have called me All Father. Giving me the title from pagan God is rather bold, but I approve. I'm due for a new title."
"Well, you're the first Vampire, so all other vampires descend from you directly or indirectly hence you are All Father."
"Hmm, it has a nice ring to it."
"Better than Kazikli Voyoda?"
"Perhaps you're better with history than I thought, iepure mic (Romanian little rabbit). I detested the Ottoman Turks, but Sir Impaler is quite a nice title from one's enemy when I was living."
"I'm not a little rabbit but a Caerbunnog, and I'll chew your f*cking leg off!"
"My, my fiesty! Go to bed! It's time for my Master to get a migraine."
"Aah, about that. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingate Hellsing is taking a seizure medication that does wonders for migraines. Two problems solved: high strikes and migraines."
"Go to bed before I have Baskerville tear you into little pieces and eat you!"
"There he is! The sadistic parasitic undead cock we all love!"
"W w-o-m-a-n N!"
"Run away! Big nasty pointed teeth! Run away now!"
End of the Bad Humor...
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Sands of Time (Hellsing•AU)
Fanfiction(🔖Wattys nominated 2020 & 2021)(SLOW🍋BURN•1st story written) In this Hellsing alternate universe, there are three kinds of vampires. Two you already know: Alucard first Nosferatu (cursed by god) and those created by his descendants. What if ther...
