FireFly

Chapter Nineteen

Heidi came back to see Evan about an hour after Connor had left. She felt so guilty, what kind of mother was she? For her son to be hurting so badly that he'd even consider doing what he did, let alone actually go through with it, and she had blamed his boyfriend. A person she hadn't even met.

She was slightly disgusted with herself but during the shock, betrayal and anger it all just fit together so perfectly! That if she had Connor Murphy to blame for her sons mental health issues then maybe she didn't have to accept the fact that it might have been because she isn't the type of mother Evan deserves.

Evan was sleeping when she arrived at his hospital room, she was still in her nurses scrubs having just gotten off her shift, but she wasn't about to go home to freshen up when her son needed her. Heidi sat down on the edge of his bed, for a while she just starred at Evan. Listening to the steady beep beep beep of the heart rate monitor that somehow soothed her.

She heard that sound constantly at work and usually it would make her wince because of the high pitch and repetitiveness of it. But now? Heidi would make it her fucking ringtone if she knew how! Because this wasn't just some stranger that she was getting paid to look after, this was her son. The person she'd been solely responsible for his entire life, the person she'd looked after and cared for and loved for seventeen years and nine months. This wonderful, beautiful, flawed, perfect baby boy had a heart that was beating and he was safe and he was with her.

Heidi had wept the first time he was placed in her arms and she wasn't above weeping now.

Evan woke up, for the second time that day, to see his mother's tearful and remorseful face. The second he saw her, he jolted up from where he was laying, as best he could with a broken arm, and embraced Heidi in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear, body wracked with sobs, "I'm s-sorry, I-I'm s-so so sorry."

Heidi held her son, squeezed tightly and said, "It's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry too."

"I-I didn't mean i-it, I s-swear." Evan cried.

"I know, honey. I know. I didn't mean it either."

He pulled away to look into her eyes, his vision was blurry with tears and he guessed hers was too judging by the tears that streamed down her face, "C-Connor's n-not a bad p-person. He-He's really n-not, mum."

Heidi nodded and held onto his hand, "I know, I trust you. If you love him, so can I."

"R-Really?" He asked, almost frightfully.

"Of course!" She replied, softly. "You can invite him round sometime and I can meet him properly and show him all of your baby pictures!"

Evan laughed weakly and she did too, he leaned into her side as she played with his hair like what they used to do when Evan was little and was scared of the thunderstorms, "M-Maybe don't show h-him those."

She only hummed and continued running her fingers through those blonde curls, so much like her own.

"I-I didn't m-mean to l-let g-go." Evan's voice said delicately, above the roaring silence.

She shushed him, "It's okay." She whispered, "You're gonna be okay."

And everything was okay. At least, if it wouldn't be okay forever, it was in that moment.

Connor didn't know exactly where he was driving to until he arrived. It was an out of body experience; but somehow, miraculously, he had driven himself back to the hospital.

He had only one thought on his mind, it was the only ever thought that constantly remained on his mind.

Evan.