crowded thoughts

G and C

me

I hold my breath as he starts to kiss my neck, not believing that this is actually happening. He moves to the other side of my neck and I let out a breath as I hold my left hand in his hair. I feel his right knee push in between me and I sigh. He pulls up and smiles and I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him to me. He sloppily kisses me, and I kiss him back, trying to keep up. I feel his other knee come in between me and I finally move my legs so that I'm wrapped around him. He pushes himself into me and I let out a breath and he starts to kiss my neck again. He begins to move his hand to touch me when I push away.

•|•

Friends? Friends? Okay, I guess. I understand. I mean, I fucking told everybody for some fucking reason. Like why? Why? Why? Are you fucking dumb or something? Everyone thinks you are. Fuck you. I wish I could go back and redo everything because I would. If I would've just told him I was on my period then none of this would've happened. I wouldn't have overreacted and everything would've been somewhat okay. I wouldn't have ran my fucking mouth and told everyone at work because WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! And the thing is; HE DOESNT EVEN FUCKING CARE. YOURE NOTHING TO HIM. You're just a friend. And you need to understand that and accept the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with you now.
I messed up, bad. And the thing is, it wasn't a big deal until I fucking made it a big deal, you know? And I had you...for like five seconds. To myself, and that felt so good, but obviously not for you. I get it though. I mean, I'm a handful. Everyone knows that. You're just easy, and I think that's what makes it so hard to just give up on you now, but I have to. I need to. Because you don't want me anymore and I understand. I'm, again, overreacting probably, but I'm doing it so that I don't hurt myself by giving false hope. Something will happen if it's meant to happen. I get it.
I just feel so stupid. Stupid for overreacting, but stupid for thinking that there was even an "us" to believe. You're my friend, and I took advantage of your texts and flirtation. I'm a fucking stupid piece of shit that doesn't and shouldn't be able to do anything with you, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop wanting you. I just need to stop having feelings with you because fuck, you're all I want right now and it sucks.
Maybe I'll find someone at college. I don't know. But if nothing else is going to happen between us, I need a sign. I need a sign to tell me to quit pining after you. Cloey said to ignore you until you talk to me on Friday, and I think I'll do that. I need a break from you, and this week will be a food break. You'll be around Reanna, someone you actually wouldn't mind being with. I'm just that weird, annoying girl at work you wanted to fuck but now you don't because, again, I'm weird and annoying. But at least I tried. At least I tried.
What I wanted to say to you is that I'm sorry. Sorry for being weird because we're friends. You