crowded thoughts

not love

not love

    "I have to show you something," he says, causing her heart to flutter another beat. She sends him a curious look as he holds out a hand. With a hesitant breath, she places her hand in his and lets him pull her out onto the deck. The city outside is alive and breathing, with lights flashing from the millions of buildings and loud voices coming from the plethora of tourists. "Sit down," he softly states, taking a seat against the edge. She watches as he dangles his legs over the balcony, his hands holding onto the black little gate keeping them from falling from their deaths. "Please," he mutters, sending her a look.
       "I'm scared," she tells him, but she slowly lets herself set down next to him, keeping her legs crossed just in case.
       "Now look down," he says. She quickly shakes her head no. "Luna, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." They stare at each other for a long second before she finally gives in. With a cautious breath and sweaty palms, she lets her eyes fall to the ground.
        "Wow," she quietly gasps, her eyes widening slightly. She tilts her head to the side, staring at the large, neon painted constellation on the ground. She watches as people down below take pictures in front of it and jump over it, and she almost feels privileged to know who created the painting. She looks over at him and sends him a cheeky look. "No way you did that," she teases.
      He pokes her with his elbow and shrugs his shoulders. "Harrison wanted us to create something big and bold near where we live. I didn't really know what to do...it's not the most original thing I've done, you know?"
       "It's pretty," she tells him.
       "Yeah, pretty," he mocks her and then sends her a smile. "It glows in the

•|•

"No," she shakes her head, "that's not why I stopped caring. It's because you pushed me away; you gave me a reason to not want you anymore, and I'm sorry but I'm not gonna stand here and let you blame me for giving up on you when you gave up on me."

•|•

"Oh, honey, some people think it's only convenient to care about you when they're always around you. Once you're gone, they stop caring because you're not a priority to them anymore."

•|•

      "What, so you're getting close to Hudson now or something?" He asks, his voice low and his eyes almost heavy. Luna sends him a look and tilts her head.
        "I'm not fucking him if that's what you're asking," she replies, crossing her arms over her chest.
       "That's not what I said," he tells her, rolling his eyes.
        "No, but it's what you wanted to say," she says, "I'm not stupid, Everett."
         "Okay, well, I'm not either."
         "Are you mad at me? Because if so, just tell me," she retorts, tapping her heel against the carpet of the floor. She watches as he nods his head and sits back against the wall.
        "Alright, did you sleep with Ray at that party last night ?" He questions, sending her a hard look. She furrows her eyebrows.
       "Like that's any of your business, but yes, I did."
       "Right after you called me?"
      "Yes, Everett."
       "So, you let me take your virginity, only to end up sleeping with another dude a week later," he states, cocking his jaw out. She lets out an irritated breath.
      "So, you're mad at me because you didn't want any strings attached, even though I let you take my virginity out of trust and respect, and then I sleep with someone other than you, and you're the one upset?" She asks.
      "Yeah, it feels like you let me take it just so you could have sex with anyone. So, yeah, I'm a little upset," he replies. She stares at him for a moment.
       "I don't...are you serious, Everett? You're calling me a whore—"
      "I didn't say that—"
      "A closet whore then, huh? Because I trusted you take something special from me, even though I knew you didn't want anything to come from it. And now you're mad at me because I decided to sleep with another guy because I thought that you didn't want anything to do with me," she says, breathing heavily.
       "I—"
       "Get out of my apartment."
       "Luna—"
      "Everett, get out."

•|•

"I think you're afraid of commitment," she tells him, shrugging her shoulders. "I would be, too, if the only person I had ever loved left me the way Bailey left you." She lets out a calm breath and takes a seat next to him on the bench. "Look, Everett, I love you in every way possible— a way I didn't think I could, but I can't lie to you and say that what I feel for you is platonic because it's not." He lifts up and shakes his head.
"I'm not afraid of commitment, Luna. I just...I just need some time think about everything. I love you so much, so much, but I don't I think being in a relationship is good for me right now. You have to understand," he quietly pleads. She nods her head and pats his hand.
"I understand," she tells him, "I need time, too. That's why I decided to move out of the apartment." He sends her a look and furrows his eyebrows.
"Because I can't be with you?"
"No, because I can't be around you every day knowing that we can't be more than friends. I've done it for too long, and I just can't do it anymore. But I'll still come by and check up on Hudson and you. You guys can't get rid of me that easily," she teases, softly elbowing him in his side. He reciprocates and gives her a kind smile.
"I'm gonna miss you," he says.
"No, you won't," she replies, grinning.
"I will, a lot."

•|•

     She looks around the now empty and messy living room, an awkward smile placed on her face. She sets her phone down on top of the only clean counter and leans back against the wall. Everett steps back into the room, his costume replaced with a simple t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. "Sorry," he says, "I couldn't stay in that suit, it was making me sweat bad." She shrugs her shoulders and nods her hear.
      "Hey, I get it. As soon as I leave here, I'm changing," she tells him, pointing down at her butterfly outfit.
       "I can get you something to wear—"
       "No, no— I'll just help you clean up here a little bit and then go back to my room. It's not a big deal," she quickly replies, waving him off. He sends her a kind smile. "Did Hudson end up going with Kylie?"
       "Yeah, lucky him, I guess," he says, letting out a short laugh.
        "Well, how did your night go? Did you get to see...hmm..."
        "Reece?"
        "Yeah, her. I forgot her name," she tells him, almost apologetic.
        "Don't worry about it. My night didn't really go the way I wanted it to," he replies, nodding his head. "Yeah, she decided she had better things to do, you know, like Martin." Luna sends him a soft look.
       "Oh, no, I'm sorry. She— she didn't seem to be the kind of girl you'd like anyway," she tries to comfort. He shrugs his shoulders.
      "What about you? How'd your Halloween night go?" She watches as his fingers move to beat against the top of the counter next to her phone.
      "Well, I'm here, aren't I?" She teases, crossing her arms over her chest. He nods his head and sends her cheeky smile. "No, I...I don't know. I thought I wanted Jackson, but it just didn't feel right. I guess I knew that it felt off from the start, but I just wanted..." she trails off for a little bit. "I don't know. I just wanted to be wanted for one night."
       There's a pause between them.
       "Yeah, me, too." Luna looks over at him and lets out a small breath. He stares back at her, his eyes glancing down and back up.
       "Just for one night?"
       He narrows his eyes and slowly takes a step forward. "Just for one night," he says, before leaning in to kiss her lips. She hesitates at first, her lips frozen for a second before she leans into him and wraps her arms around his neck.

•|•

"I just want to be loved," she cries.

•|•

"Fuckkkk..