crowded thoughts

what am i gonna do

what am I gonna do

My heart aches to be with him—
To feel his touch,
To have his breath mixing with mine,
His eyes closing with each kiss—
Who am I without him?
What am I gonna do...

What am I gonna do
When I don't have that longing feeling;
The feeling of hope and excitement
Before I walk through that back door?

What am I gonna do
When all I have is myself
To think about?

This is it:
The day I was expecting,
But never thought would come so soon.

He's done,
And I'm not,
And I'm terrified
Of what I'm gonna do
Without him.

•|•

Dear Grayson Moore,

      My heart has been broken. I can't stop crying and thinking about you because I know this is it...this is all that's left of you. I just have the memories and the what if's. I don't want them, but I need them in order to get over you. My body aches for one last touch, kiss, and look. I miss you already and you haven't even left me yet. This is all too much for me to handle. One thing after another. What am I gonna do without you?
       I'm so happy I met you. I'm so happy I got to experience and do the things I wanted to do with you. You are important in every which way, and you are special. You have a way of making people want to be around you, myself included. I'm so happy I got to know you because you are so imperfect in the most perfect way. You are everything I wanted— everything I wanted in a person.
        All I can say is thank you. Thank you for the experiences, the happy times, and the anger. You made me so happy, yet so mad to be around you sometimes. But I couldn't ever stay mad at you. Not for a minute.
        My heart hurts, and it's not because you broke it, but because you're leaving me for something better. I'm so glad, though, because you deserve to be happy. I hope you get everything you ever wanted; I hope you get what I couldn't give you.
       I just want to say one more thing...I love you. I know we said it to each other when you were drunk, but I don't know if you meant it. But I did. I love you, and I always will. Thank you for everything.

With my whole heart,
Cobain Edwards.