crowded thoughts

women

women

"Men tend to forget that we are human, too. We have thoughts and feelings, and even though we are women, we understand things that most of you will never know."

•|•

      "I have the feeling that you're the kind of girl who tends to love too easily. If I were you, I'd keep my distance from Everett. He's the kind of guy that will lead you on, make you believe he truly has feelings for you, and then pretend like you're the only one in love. Guys are mean, especially when love is involved."

•|•

      "I just...my body hurts, Walker. I'm tired of getting high all the time to just feel something. I have no one, and I'm too much of an exhaustion to even matter."

•|•

I'm just tired of wanting

•|•

He shakes his head at her, his jaw starting to tremble slightly. "Because mom," he mumbles, letting out a breath. "I'm not— you know I'm not what you wanted. I'm not some perfect ideal creation. There's something wrong with me. I'm sad, all of the time, and I hate being by myself but in a weird way, I prefer to be alone. I have nightmares about fire and I'm terrified of the rain. I mean, this is me mom, this is who I am, and I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry that you can't fix me like you can everyone else," he cries, falling into his own hands as his eyes begin to water.
"Oh, honey," she wraps her arms around him and hugs him to her chest. "You are everything I ever wanted. It's okay to be broken and not fixed, we all are. That's what makes ushuman. If it makes you feel better, the rain terrifies me, too. A fear like this is something that cannot be fixed. It can only be healed. I promise, we'll get through this together. Don't ever think you're any less than perfect."

•|•

bleak and gray
im the sunlight that peaks through
the white blinds on a morning day,
and im the rain that falls on a cold,
empty day in october.

im the feeling you have before you
jump off the edge of a wooden bridge,
and into a pond of quiet fish, and
im the feeling of regret when you drink
too much warm alcohol before ten pm.

im the nervous butterflies in your
stomach before you go into work, and
im the rough country music you listen to
on a night drive by yourself.

im everything you ever wanted,
and despite knowing this,
all of this,
im still too much of an exhaustion
because I simply want you back.

•|•

more to me
I don't understand it,
the way you're able to pretend
like the simple handhold,
or the kiss on the cheek,
or the tight, longing hug,
or the, "I love you,"
doesn't mean anything.

It means something
so much more to me,
than it ever will to you,
and I know that,
I have always known that,
yet, why does my heart still ache?

Because sometimes
when I talk to you
I have to ask myself if
you're my friend or if
you're just a stranger,
and I don't know why
it hurts me so much.