White Lies ~~Cameron Dallas~~

Pt 32 Everything

Astrids POV

I moved my hands so they were blocking the sun out of my eyes and groaned. I pull myself up and realized I was knocked out on the couch with Kane. Liv and all the rest were sleeping on the floor. I got up and rubbed my head because it hurt like fuck. I walked outside the door and walked a long the hallways until I opened a door to which I guess is the bathroom.

"What the fuck get out." I yell at the naked people right in front of me. They both grabbed their clothes and ran out. 

I close the door and take a pee. I washed my hands and looked at my nasty reflection. I splash water at my face to wake up a little bit more. I feel a tear make its way down my face so I whip it away and hold my head up high because that's the only thing I can do. 

I walk out the bathroom and back to where the others are. And their still in their same positions so I pick my phone up and walk downstairs. I walk over bodies trying not to wake anyone up and thankfully it worked. I walk right kinda remembering which way to go. I've been walking for an hour and right now my feet are killing me so I take my shoes off and keep on walking.

Its so easy to lose who you are. I don't even know my purpose anymore I'm just stuck between two worlds. Mine and Camerons. A nobody, quiet, safe place but then there's Camerons; Surrounded by faces, loud, out going. Total opposite. I don't know how to cope with anything anymore. 

I see the beach that I first saw Cameron and sat down in the spot that I sat in for hours and just watched people walk past with their family, something I feel like I don't have. 

I know him tho and I know his heart and I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me. But I didn't realize I was so confident and then let it be crushed by one thing. But the thing was I was hurt by one thing, it was so stupid. But then he makes me feel crazy, he makes me feel like its my fault. I was in pain. thought I knew but I guess I was putting my heart before anything else. I want to let go but I know that I just cant. I'm caught up with him. I'm finding it hard to just think about him. I want him to call me but I just don't know if I should pick up. I'm screaming at myself to stop but I feel like nothing else is there. I feel like there's no happy ending to this story but I feel like I have no future without him either. But what ever happens he will always have the other half of my heart.

I walk back to my house and open the door to nobody.

I walk upstairs to my room and changed into Camerons clothes. It's lunch but I'm not hungry so I just lay in bed. 

I don't know what to say. My hearts in my throat and I'm chocking on it as well as my words. I know my shadows are catching up too me and I'm digging myself into deep but I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm going to-

"FUCK." I yell as I feel vomit rise to my mouth. I run into my bathroom and empty my guts into the toilet.

I cant be pregnant. I'm still a virgin. It might be the alcohol getting to me. Yeah its the alcohol, I'm just doing the normal thing every person does after they get wasted.

"Breath Astrid." I repeat to myself over and over again to try and calm myself down. I brush me teeth and rinse it out with mouth wash to try and lose the stink breath.

I walk down stairs slowly taking my time. I walk into the wash house and grab a bucket. I drag it up stairs to my room and lay down with the bucket next to me. 

I put my phone on charge and look at twitter. A lot of people are asking me why I ain't on tour so I take a photo of me pouting my lips and post it with the caption.

I'm so sorry guys. I wanted to come but I guess something got in the way. Im sick:'(

I watched what I said because I knew they would be gutted that I wasn't there. Cameron would know that the middle bit would be about him but I knew I had to be sneaky. My phone went crazy with spam but I ignored it.

I had over ten thousand followers for my twitter, facebook and insta. I looked at my snap-chat and saw that I had a lot of friend request I added all of them and took a photo of the bookcase.

I could read all these books but I still cant read you.

People were sending me photos so I opened them and tried to reply but I couldn't. I did for ten or so but I got tired and closed my phone off. I put it on the bedside table and closed my eyes. I felt myself drifting away until it started to ring. I pick it up swiftly, annoyed that they called right now.

"What." I yelled through the phone. 

"I'm sorry Astrid." Cameron.

"I dont want to talk to you." I say as I hung up. I put it back down but it rings again. I look at the user and see its Carter.

"What." I asked again.

"Please Astrid." Cameron...again.

"Please just leave me alone. You've caused enough trouble and hurt for me already Camoeron. I just cant handle it anymore. I-Dont call me again off Carters phone or anyone else or I will block them as well." I say and hang up again. I cry into Camerons jumper and close my eyes.

I cried enough tears to see my own pride leave with them. I cant deny that I miss him. But to think that I was wrong, but I guess you don't know what you have until its gone. Hes not far away but I don't know how to handle the distance. I want to know if I cross his mind when hes taking photos with pretty girls. 

He wasn't my everything,

until we were nothing,

And its taking me a lot to say.

But now that he's gone,

My heart is missing something,

So its time I push my pride away.

Cause you are my everything.