~ 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 ~ 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚓𝚘𝚜𝚑 𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚜

"i cant do it.."

i felt like i was in an actual movie. but i back away, breaking the kiss. he looks into my eyes for a moment.

me: why did you do this for me?
josh: because i made you a promise.

why do you do this to me, josh..why? he lightly smiles like it was nothing. i feel myself blushing like crazy. i look over and gaze at the view of the city below us. i took a minute to take in the moment and the feeling. it felt like we were at the top of the world. i felt his fingers intertwine with mine. i look back at him and see him looking at me.

me: what?
josh: the view is absolutely stunning..

he says, not breaking eye contact. a slight smirk slips from his lips. this is the moment where every girl would feel butterflies and so happy...but instead, my heart sank. i felt like this was going to be the last time we had a moment like this before i tell him what i think is best for us..and it breaks my heart a little just thinking about it. i couldn't do it to him. let alone, to me either. because i don't want this to end. but i feel like i have to do it now before we get deeper in. he's going to hate me, but i have to do this....i look down at my feet.

me: you're waisting your time.. *whispers*
josh: what did you say?

and my eyes fall back on his.

me: nothing. *fake smiles*

we stayed for over half an hour, talking about anything and everything. once we start to walk towards the elevator, i decide i need to talk to him now.

me: josh. i-i need to, um...

i look at him for a moment and he looks concerned. i choke up a bit and can't get the words out.

me: i-i need to pee is what i need to do.

josh busts out laughing.

josh: you always make me laugh somehow.

i force a laugh as we walk away. we go down the elevator and to the lobby so i can "use the restroom". i walk in and just stare at my reflection in the mirror.

me: god damnit, kate. i literally can't do it.
??: oh my god!! are you kate?!

i look over at a girl to my right looking in the mirror. i stare at her for a moment and don't know what to say..i've never been in a situation like this.

??: you look super pale.
me: shit, i do? i mean i do kinda feel a bit nauseated.
??: i'm so sorry, do you need anything?
me: no i'm okay, thank you though. what's your name?
rachel: i'm rachel. i'm a huge fan of josh and i just want to say that i one hundred percent ship you both.

um what do i say when a fan says that?

me: t-thanks? sorry i'm new to all this. i've never had anyone walk up to me and notice me before in public.
rachel: no worries, i would get nervous as hell *laughs*

she was so sweet. we take a mirror picture together and she thanks me.

me: so are you from new york?
rachel: yes, i've lived here my whole life.
me: that's so awesome. me and my friend allissa moved here two weeks ago and-
rachel: -i know kate *laughs*
me: ..right. i forgot. wait how?
rachel: stuff gets around after a while.

we both laugh

rachel: i love how humble you are and don't really know that there are millions of girls that wish they were you right now..
me: woahh i wouldn't put it that way.

i think for a moment and realize there are millions of people watching me when i'm with josh...but i didn't like it when she said it though because it made me uncomfortable. i don't like to think about millions of girl looking at me that are wayyyy prettier than me that josh would definitely choose over me..i'm not even with josh what am i talking about.