You can't save me, I'm damaged goods.

His past

"I was thinking of our conversation, and I remembered that I didn't tell you much about my past. So I want to do that now" Jungkook said. The night was still dark and cold, and a light breeze kept caressing my face. I was wearing a jacket, but it was so cold that the air kept stinging my cheeks and nose. A  clear, white fog escaped from my mouth as I breathed out, and it mixed with the air.  You could slightly hear the leaves of the bush behind us moving in the wind and the shadows from the bench and me and Jungkook kept moving, lit up by the street lights.

I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say. I was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me about himself, but I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to hear anymore. "I was born in Busan, in a family with my parents and my siblings. I have a brother and a sister, one older, and one younger. We were happy, even though my father had a low income. My mother didn't work, because she wasn't in a condition where she could do that". I felt my heart ache at his words. He was talking about a happy family that appreciated life even with its flaws. Something I had never had, and never would get. "We lived in Busan for several years, until I turned sixteen, and then we moved a bit here and there before we finally ended up here. My father got a new job, where he earned more money, and he could care for the family better. My mother had been sick for a couple of years, but she started to improve a lot, and soon she could function just like normal. She even got a job at a cafe near our house."

"My mom was an incredible woman. She is my role model, and I looked up to her when I was growing up, and I still do. I have never met someone as strong and passionate as her. Sure, she didn't always have a job, and her husband cared for the family, at least financially, but she never failed to speak up about things. If something was bothering her, she would never hesitate to try and fix it." As Jungkook spoke about his mother, his voice changed. It became affectionate, caring, sad and passionate. It was as if he was telling a story about a historical person, and their sacrifice, rather than talking about his past. I was watching him, studying his face, noticing every expression, but still, my mind was miles away, as I was dragged into his story. As he talked, I couldn't help the wave of jealousy rushing through my body, and I hated it. It made me sick, and I hated the fact that I still couldn't deny my feelings. He was telling me about his childhood, and I was sitting there being said because I didn't have what he had.

"I met Nyun a few months after we moved here. She was the one who approached me, at our school. It was our last year, only a few weeks left, and for some reason, she started talking to me. We became friends... and eventually more. We were happy together. She was everything I wanted and apparently I was everything she wanted. We had fights, of course, but we would always make up, and we were happy. My parents seemed to accept her too." His voice grew darker as he spoke, and it kept shaking. He seemed unbelievably sad, and I couldn't figure out why because the story he was telling was happy.

"And then.... my dad died." That sentence. It was like a plot twist at the end of the movie, the reveal of the murderer in a good book, and it was the complete opposite of who you expected. His dad died.

I had never experienced the death of someone close to me, so I couldn't fully understand what it was like either. His dad died. One of two people that were supposed to be with you from the moment you're born until they're old, and you have made your own family. His father, as he had told me, was the one who cared for his family, ha was the root of the family, and without him, they would all be leaves drifting in the wind, not knowing their purpose. At least if it wasn't for his mother. 

"He died in a car accident on his way back from work. He worked quite far from our house, and my mother had tried to get him to buy a car, but he refused, claiming it was healthy for him to walk, and he wanted to save the money for our family. So, he wasn't the one driving. It was a hit and run. Witnesses were claiming to have seen the accident, but none of them could recognize the car and no one would admit to the accident."