You can't save me, I'm damaged goods.

A walk

A day had passed in the wonderful, new country, and we had done nothing more than relax, lay around and eat food. It was perfect for me, except I was never allowed to be alone. I don't think they understood the need building in my chest to hide in my bed, closed off from the world, at least for a couple of minutes. There was never a minute where I could be completely alone. In the day there was always something to do. "Jimin, let's go swimming!" "Jimin, come, let's eat!" Not even when I slept. But since I shared a room with two others, it was pretty much inevitable. 

A day had passed, and I was desperate. Desperate for a minute to breathe, cry, scream, anything. I deliberately sat an alarm early in the morning. Four to be exact. I kept the sound low and turned it off as fast as I could, trying not to wake anyone else. Not surprisingly, I was embraced in Tae's arms, and I slipped underneath them, still quiet. The only sounds in the house were the calm snores from my friends, and the slight tapping from my feet hitting the stone tiles. It was early, too early for the sun, and it was cold. Nor in the air, but the ground was freezing. Like ice. You didn't notice it in the day, because the sun had already warmed up the world, but in the dark night, it was hard to even imagine any warmth from the floor.

I snuck out, feeling like a teenager running away. I hadn't paid attention to the surroundings earlier, but as I went outside the house I could see the beach and the waves washing up. It seemed like the house was surrounded by every type of scenery. The sea, long meadows that stretched further than you could see, a forest starting maybe a hundred steps away from the house, and far, far in the background, mountains that rose up from the ground almost like trees, stretching until they barely touched the clouds. A stairway to heaven.

A small part of me craved to walk all the way to them, and climb to the very top, just to see how close I could come to the sky. Maybe I could even touch the clouds. It was a foolish wish, but the urge didn't go away. I looked away and started walking, not knowing exactly where I was going My feet seemed to want to go into the forest, and I didn't protest. I walked far, further than I can remember walking before, but I wasn't scared. There was never a moment where I hesitated about the way, or where I thought about finding my way back. I just walked. 

Eventually, the forest started clearing up, the trees were further apart. Suddenly, I was reminded of my dream. It seemed like it was a lifetime since I had dreamt it, but I remember. It's the only dream I want to remember. I was in a forest, much like this one, and the leaves were so green. I hadn't known where I was then either, but it hadn't bothered me. As I walked around, I noticed someone standing behind a tree. The stranger stepped away from the tree, and I realized it was no stranger at all. It was Jungkook. Of course. A part of me had wished it was destiny, that we kept running into each other like this.

Thinking about the dream made me feel happy and peaceful. At least then it seemed like Jungkook liked me. It seemed like he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. The reality was far from it, but it made me happy to pretend. For now.

Now I could see why the forest was getting thinner. I had come to a pond, and the trees seemed to back off from it to give it space. The water was still, not even a small ripple to make it come to life. Even though it was still dark, the surroundings were mirrored in the water, creating the illusions of to sky's meeting at the root of the trees. Strangely, I felt tired. The feeling washed over me, making my eyelids drop immediately. I sat down on the grass, supporting my back against a tree. I looked at my watch barely and noticed it was half-past five. I had walked in one and a half hours. Strange. It had felt like twenty minutes. Letting my eyelids close, I tried to not dwell on the small worry growing in my heart. I wished for a sleep without any dreams, and I got it.

When I opened my eyes the sun was up. It was not in the middle of the sky so it couldn't be too late. The pond was still as silent as it had been earlier, but now the sun was shining on it brightly. Hang on, it was way too warm to be early morning. Had it passed twelve? No, it couldn't have. Right? I can't have slept so long.