"jesus christ do u jerk yourself off with that grip?" snapped marvel as he yanked his wrist away from PewDiePie's hand. felix had been leading him toward a discreet-looking bunker, nestled within the fires of hell.
"my 9-year-old army has finally discovered the lair of my mortal enemy, and today ur gonna fuck his shit up for me"
marvel cocked his head to the side. "why don't u just toss a couple grenades in there and be done with??"
"u think it's that easy?!1/1??" felix barked. "this is a foe like no other. he cannot be destroyed with firepower, believe me i've already tried."
"who exactly is this guy?"
"he's not so much a 'guy' as he is an omnipresent force of nature. the demonic yin to my pure aryan yang."
felix looked at marvel
"and his name.........is T-Series."
marvel shuddered
"hes taken my #1 spot on youtube for years now and nobody seems to give a shit anymore" felix frowned.
"maybe bc its not 2018 anymore like it was when this fic began?" marvel and felix stared into the camera like in the Office
"whatever man. i want that filthy corporation burned to the ground before i give u an army to shank the fuck out of jake paul. capeesh?"
"kk. but quick question, how the fuk do u expect me to defeat him?"
felix pulled down a map of t-series HQ over his whiteboard and got out a pen.
"so here's the plan..." felix began, raising his pen to the top left corner of the map. then he started drawing a diagram of marvel's dummy thicc derriere over the map. "u seduce the bossman, then u rip his dick off while u clapping them cheeks and u choke him to death with his newly-castrated indian chode"
"ah yes, foolproof." marvel studied the diagram carefully
"and when u get back, ull have enough enslaved 9 year olds armed with 50 caliber mark 7 guns to take care of that faggot jake paul. can i count on u?"
marvel met the swedish führer's eyes
"you bet your sweet ass you can."
