Between Us [ZhuiYiship]

: 16th

Lan SiZhui's POV

The breeze is gentle as little lightrays from the sun glimpse from the green trees' branches. Cloud Recesses is richly nutritious of greenery, giving an enlivening ambiance to every being dwelling.

The air is swiftly fresh caressing my skin and flutters my hair.
I missed this place solely.
I'm amazed that I even left this peaceful place for two years.

My memories flashback to my mind.

JingYi...

He never knew how much I endure... of forcing myself not to miss him for these past years...

I am selfish. I left him without even saying... yet if I confront him again, I don't know how will I react...
I don't know... I can't act like nothing happened. I can't be his friend anymore that moment I confessed my feelings though I took it back ... it will never be the same again.

I don't know how to look him in the eye without the affection of more than a friend. It's just not right, I know he must be disappointed that I had special feelings for him when he is only expecting a friendship from me.

But how about my feelings?
I just cannot erase this in an instant.
I never meant to develop these feelings... likely it's just one day that I suddenly woke up in the morning...

And realize that I actually like JingYi.
And it caused me a great feeling of misery for I know from the very first start that there's no way JingYi will return my feelings yet I still stubbornly force it.... conveyed and confessed and just resulted us in a mess I cannot solve.

Amidst my crumbling feelings, it was coincidence to be joined by HanGuang-Jun on a mission.

During the journey I met with Wen Ning so I begged HanGuang-Jun to stay with Wen Ning and explore around and do nighthunts. Yet I can't help but always think of JingYi... I'm full of thoughts of him.

Sometimes, I wonder that maybe the past two years of exploring everywhere that is meant for me to let my feelings for JingYi to fade is just useless...

I've made up my mind to come back at Cloud Recesses already, and so I detour a bit at a Village near the Cloud Recesses for a nighthunt,
And I coincidentally saw him.

I've prepared myself that I'll be his friend no matter what when we meet again, that I'll smile gently to him and take care of him as a bestfriend... no other than that yet as I gaze at him again from afar... I was taken aback with my resolves wavered.

I easily faltered, letting my heart to skip a beat from seeing him again, although I'm too distant hiding in the rooftop of the houses.

Then what would become of me?
of my heart when I'm close to him?

I knew it myself...
My feelings will difinitely come back...

" Perhaps... these feelings never fade in the first place. "
I uttered to myself as I go out from the barriered gate of Cloud Recesses.

I walk lissomely through the thin grasses as I call out,

" Uncle ... Wen Ning ..? "

And the wide and tall grasses flail and rustle from left to right then revealed Wen Ning.

" A-Yuan..."

I faked a smile and he knitted his brows.

" Is something wrong...A-Yuan?"

I am partly surprised, he got to know me well for the two years of companionship.

" Nothing.. Let's take a walk. I'm glad you show up immediately after I called you once. "

We saunteered towards the lake, walking to the rocks as Uncle Ning opened up.

" I'm even glad you called for me, A-Yuan. "
And he earned a gentle smile from me.

" Mind if I ask ... how did it go?..."
He asked in a low tone,

" How did it go? What do you mean?"

" I mean, going back home in the Cloud Recesses? Err... and reuniting with Lan JingYi?"

During the years of exploring around, I can't hide my uneasiness and anxiety and Uncle Wen Ning was worried sick of me to the point of persuading me to go back in Cloud Recesses, since I can't prove him that I'm really fine  and healthy though I kinda sound lame, since in fact I bore a crumbled feelings therefore I end up telling everything to him.

I was grateful he didn't find me indifferent instead cheered me up and understood me more than I can imagined.

I pulled a smile then replied,

" I ... think, it's still there.

I still love him dearly. "

Uncle Ning patted me in the back comfortingly,

" Please don't be sad.. Y'know I am always here for you, A-Yuan..."

Yesterday. JingYi found me at the greenery, the same place where we had first met... the very first time where our eyes had met, as our line of sight crossed.... that day something had change within me, I just took no notice of it right away.

I never thought that the kid that I'll  found under the Magnolia tree cuddling with the rabbits will give me this kind of emotions and feelings...

It's wonderful at the same time, a torture.

As I looked at him, I am anxious to pull a smile, what if it adds to his fury? I left him without telling him and just get back after two years...

Who's left behind gonna be happy with that?

As I knew him, I expect that he'll pull an angry expression or rush to me and kick or punch me, payment for leaving him...

Yet he didn't do any of those...
Instead, he do the thing that gave a struck to myself,

He showed me a very melancholic countenance as he approached me slowly, likely indicating that he had missed me very much from those years that I am not beside him.
I don't know if I am only imagining it or not... or am I just misunderstanding those expressions that he gave...

Yet, as he was near enough... his beautiful and radiant eyes glittered, 
His eyes are forming tears...

I am very astounded that he called I barely replied, I'm awestruck as he come closer to me and hugged me tight whilst shedding tears...  he just give me more reason not to fight but just let this heart of mine to waver more... to love him deeper this time.

All my resolves disappeared like thin bubbles after being prick.

" Ain't I... ----- SiZhui, I am your friend! Why can't you -------"

Yet, reality pierced to me again,

I am only his friend,
Even if I like him... love him...
There's no way he will love me back since I am a mere friend to him...
What I felt for him was just a bag of waste.. .

" Uncle Ning... ? How about we go to the east this time ? "
I asked all of a sudden.

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A/N : Good day folks! How are you?
Are you eating well? I am not sleeping well tho T^T/
My sleep routine is so irregular. Damn insomnia. -■○■-/
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How's this entry? ...ehkk? X'D