Chapter 44

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"Brin

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"Brin.." I say staring at the ceiling.

I've been laying her for what feels like hours, I can't sleep, especially after today. After I told Brin earlier we haven't spoken about it or really spoke at all, which is killing me. I'm surprised she's even laying in bed beside me.

"Brin" I turn my head to the right to look at her, moonlight shines through the crack in the curtain giving her the spotlight. I hate this gap in between us.

I turn on my side and just look at the beautiful woman in front of me, a woman I know I'll lose. I wish everything could've been different.

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before resting my hand on the side of her face, I run my thumb along her cheekbone as I scoot closer to her, I feel like I need to be closer.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper. I know she's sleeping but, ugh I don't know. I feel like I'm going insane.

Her eyelids begins to flicker back and forth before she slowly opens her eyes and stares directly into my eyes.

I don't move my hand, I continue to move my thumb back and forth.

"I'm sorry" I whisper feeling the need to look away from her.

She brings her hand to my face and my eyes snap back to her, will she let it go?, "I can't deal with two.."

I feel something wet on my thumb as I swipe, "I know" I nod, I can't even deal with two.

"You're going away for a long time, are you?" Her voice shaky.

"I don't know yet.." I want to move closer but I don't know what she's thinking.

"I'm done.." she traces her finger on my face.

"What?"

"I'm done with the secrets, the lies, the violence.."

"Me" I quietly say cutting her off.

She stops her movements while her eyes bore into mine "I feel like I'm constantly hurting  and unhappy.."

I cut her off "But you weren't unhappy with me" not a week ago.

"I think.." she looks down "I should maybe not think about myself and think about Elle"

"You never think about yourself" I pull her into me, I know where this is heading and if this is the last time I'm in bed with her, I definitely don't want to waste it.

"I was but I feel like it's selfish of me if I have a child, she's my number one priority"

I tilt her chin up forcing her to look at me, I pull her closer, we're now chest to chest.

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