APUI: Volume 1 - My Life as a Werewolf

Chapter 27: We Were Doomed From the Start and we Knew it

< 🔥 J POV 🔥 >

I was out for vengeance. She was the one that had begun to break my walls down but she just kept building up hers. And as soon as I began to build mine up, hers came tumbling down. We could never both be vulnerable at the same time - ones indifference would cause the others vulnerability and that would eventually cause indifference and then the original one to turn vulnerable. It was a vicious circle.

So, I wasn't angry with Bella, well not that much, neither was I angry with myself, well I was, but that's not the point. I was angry with the moon goddess. Of course I still love the moon goddess but my question, the question that has been going through my head ever since I met my mate, was Why? Why her? Why not someone who would just go away and never see me again once I rejected them? The moon goddess knew what I could do, she knew why I kept pushing people away but she still chose to give me a mate. And an extremely stubborn one at that.

I'm trying to do the right and safe thing for my mate by rejecting her but she just keeps coming back. The mate bond and our wolves just keep drawing us together and it's entirely uncontrollable. I knew that sooner or later I would snap when I was near Bella and just let go into my wolf instincts and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want her to get hurt, or me to force myself onto her but most of all I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to end her life like I have done with others before. When that side of me came out bad stuff always happened.

Both Lucas and I decided to focus on implying to Bella that she wasn't wanted. So, when I sent out the invitations to my 17th birthday party, I specifically said that she couldn't come. Of course, somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice wanted her to come anyway and ignore how much we pushed her away so that we can live happily ever after. That's shit because happily ever after for Bella and I NEVER EXISTED.

When Bella did show up at my party (she's so stubborn) it was hard to control myself. At seventeen I had come to my full power, like everyone, as I had spent one year with my wolf. It also meant that my instincts were even more heightened than they were when I first met bella, or grace, and when she came downstairs in her really short dress I wanted to kiss her senseless. I also totally understood why she was screaming at her friends about not wearing that dress! It was TOO SHORT! Other guys were looking at her! She's mine - not theirs!

And then I got drunk. Very drunk. Seriously, it was physically painful staying away from Bella when she looked so irresistible and so I drunk away my sorrows. And that also meant I drunk away my sense.

Eventually, even though I told myself not to, I started dancing with Bella. And kissing Bella against every ounce of common sense in my body. And I admit it was rather amusing that Bella was so drunk as well. I was no stranger to binge drinking and drinking just to get smashed but Bella obviously hadn't drunk this liberally in her life. Also being a guy meant I could consume a greater alcohol content before getting wasted but Bella was beyond drunk by the time I lost my self control. And it seemed that Bella had lost most of her self control too.

Early on Sunday morning when Bella and I had gotten tired of dancing, we were making out in the middle of the dance floor. "Get a room!" Someone shouted at us but I growled at them. Bella smiled seductively at me and I smiled back. "Why don't we go upstairs" she wondered.

It was then I realised that somewhere during us kissing, Bella's wolf, Emmy, had come out, and when she said those words Luke pushed through and took over too. "I'd love to" he smirked and Emmy pulled us up the stairs to our room. "why not your new room?" He asked her. she giggled "your room has more privacy," she whispered, stalking closer to us "anyway" she breathed huskily into our ear, "your room has a bigger bed".

Luke pushed her up against the wall and started trailing kisses down her neck while we let our hands... wander. He grazed my teeth along her neck and she gasped out in pleasure. "Lucas" she breathed "the humans would never forgive us" "fuck the humans" Lucas replied indignantly. "Come on baby," Emmy tried again. "They'll take that step eventually" she said with a small smile. Lucas groaned and let his hands fall to his side before he stepped back and took deep breaths.

Suddenly Emmy started hyperventilating, just as I was beginning to regain control. She took a deep intake of air and then I knew that Bella was back. She began crazily whispering to herself and I realised that my mate probably had even more internal damage and could be even more mentally fucked up than me. Her whispering sounded something like "Place is done in the lonely won left eye needs trench mush think In fella I'm fella..." which I realised was actually "I'm Bella" as she increased her volume.

I frowned and approached her cautiously before hugging her. "Of course you are" I whispered "Emmy is gone" I reassured. In hysterics she unexpectedly screamed "get off me you mother fucker" before running and jumping out the window.

I, of course, followed her and found her bawling her eyes out in the middle of the forest where I spent at least half an hour calming her down. And that's when events took a turn for the worst.

I had just proposed an opportunity for mutual friendship, which was Luke's idea and was thankfully accepted, when Bella got up to leave. I was about to follow her too when I noticed that I could see up her dress, especially as it had ridden up her legs enough to cover absolutely nothing. Buzzing started in head and I blocked out everything in attempt to stop what I knew was going to happen. HE was here. And I wanted him to stay the fuck away from my mate.

The next thing I knew Bella started approaching me and cause the buzzing in my head to increase like those annoying car sensor beepy thingys which increase in frequency the closer you are to an object.

buzzing.

Buzzing.

BUZZING.

buzzing.

Buzzing.

BUZZING.

buzzing.

Buzzing.

BUZZING.

BUZZING
BUZZING
BBBUUUZZZZZZIIINNNGGG

annndddddddd...

BLACKNESS

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

A/N

I drew that wolf in the photo! Be proud!
Anyway another insight into Jackson's mind and a bit more mystery on Bella

What is this "I'm Bella" thing?
Why does she keep pushing Jackson away?
Why doesn't she 'do parties'?
Why has she got such a low opinion on guys?

AHHHHHH, I know all the answers.
Anyway, my dance concert is next sun with my dress rehearsal this sun and a massive exam week next week with 4 major exams on 4 consecutive days. Ugh.

Bye,
- Grace :P