APUI: Volume 1 - My Life as a Werewolf

Chapter 22: Complications Make Life More Complicated

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WE ONLY GOT 2K READS LIKE 2 CHAPTERS AGO AND NOW WE HAVE 3K READS!!!!!
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< 💣 B POV 💣 >
"Get off me Jack" I screamed, wrenching my arm out of his grip. He smiled at me and quipped "it's not Jack, it's Luke."
Inside, every cell of my being wanted to accept Jackson and fix this stupid situation we have created together, but I knew that we both had our reservations and reasons as to why our mateship was not ideal and therefore, outside, it appeared that I didn't give a fuck if Jackson was my mate or not and this could be classed as kidnapping, harassment and assault. He tried to reach for me again but I growled and backed away in a defensive stance.
Just by being so close to jack and emotionally unstable from the ordeal I had just been through, Not to mention rather hungry and tired, I began to break down and tear up. "what do you want?" I screamed feebly. I just wanted to left alone. I didn't want to have to deal with jack and Lucas and the utter mess that is our lives in month where our worlds collided, aka. now.
"I want you!!!" Luke called out desperately. "no we don't" jack added. "yes we do" "no we don't" "we do" "WE DON'T!!!" jack screamed before quietly adding on "Actually we do want you but WE are not an option because of shit that has happened in the past". I wondered what on earth Jack was talking about but realised I shouldn't pry and he probably didn't want to talk about it in any further detail. "I WOULD hurt you if I had the chance and I would hate myself for it too." he mumbled. I could no longer tell the difference between Jackson and Lucas.
"I know you would eventually hurt me too. Like you hurt Grace, and hurting Grace hurts me." I sighed. "it would be better if we weren't mates" I said. "it would be safer if we weren't mates" he said back. "it would be easier if we weren't mates" I said.
"What to you mean 'easier'?" Jackson asked. I shrugged "easier to cope, easier to live, easier to breathe, easier to love." we stared at each other for minutes. I had my back to tree, leaning against it with my shins pulled up near my chest. Jackson stood, looking like a super model, leaning sideways against a tree opposite me.
"Sometimes I wonder" I whispered "if it would be easier if I had of or do accept your rejection. I wonder if I could cope with the pain of being entirely detached, grieving and longing for the mate bond instead of grieving and longing for you. but then I realise that even if I sever the mate bond I would still feel remnants of the love it causes me to have for you. and I also realise that I would probably still love you even without the mate bond." by now I was shouting and giggling like a maniac.
"I mean, for gods sake, look at yourself! your a fucking alpha! you look like a fucking super model! everything about you is fucking perfect! your whole persona is designed to be appealing! you're like Edward fucking Cullen! Designed to lure girls in! Do you understand how fucking hard my life is? And you make it harder." I lowered my voice and stopped gesturing wildly at him. Tears fell onto my cheeks as I blinked them out of my eyes.
"My parents were murdered in front of me when I was 13. Do you get how tough that was on me? after, it was really difficult. grace and I split up because of troubles with the law. Nightmares came. Bullying. Depression. Cutting. I was the older twin and I took the worst of it. I took the most time at boarding school. I gave that girl my name.
"'grace' lived with Chris and went to the school next to his, with ash. 'Bella' was the emotionally unstable girl who lived her teen life at boarding school. The loner and emo. the person no one talked to or communicated with. the girl shunned by high class young ladies who enjoyed wearing ridiculously short school uniforms and painting on their faces with makeup.
"Instead of the original '1 year on 1 year off', for grace and I, she couldn't cope. So I did the first term of school with Chris and the rest of the year at boarding school. I minimised the hurt grace had to go through, they were always nicer at the beginning of the year. I took the worst of the threats, of the teasing, of the belittling, of the abuse. I blended into the background. no one ever thought that such a beige girl, such a bland, unanimated girl, could possibly contain so much hate.
"When grace got rejected i knew. I mean, why else would I break my cover and punch someone in the face? I have dedicated my life towards softening the fall for grace. I swapped places with her and, although she now has to cope with the bitches boarding school, she doesn't have to feel the pain I feel right now with you. I get that she had to feel it for the first while but now, I'm the one who gets to see you day in day out with other girls like Amili, happy without your mate while she, the girl made perfectly for you, sits back and watches the mate bond slowly and painfully slip, no, TEAR away."
Once I was finished my speech I stood up and turned my back to Jackson who was looking at me with a stunned expression. I took a shaky breath before voicing my concluding paragraph.
"I love you, jack, I really do. And grace does too. But if we get together this is going to end with me hurt and you the culprit. And I know that, chances are, that is how rejection is going to end too, but the chances of survival are greater than those of acceptance. I didn't even mention some of the things that caused grace and I to have trust issues this bad but life has not been happy for us. My sanity is constantly challenged by events like you and I personally don't want any complications, I just want to get through school, uni, life.
" My point is, unfortunately, this just isn't gonna work out,
Don't fuck with me Jackson."
I walked into the trees and continued my walk home.
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A/N
^^^ could be winks ;) or tears ); lol just realised
Ps. they should be winks ;) ;) ;)
I'm sorry for the short chapter but that was some pretty deep stuff.
The reasons why the update was so late:
1. I just wasn't feeling it
You need to be in the right kind of mood to write a thorough chapter and I couldn't really find that mood due to various things, some of which are explained in the other points
2. My impetigo is back
I have to take another lot of pills which brings my quota up to 5 x 24 which is 120 pills and mentally that fucks my mood and mind up and my bday is soon so I've kinda been stressing cause I wanna look prrrreeeetttttty and not have to wear makeup to cover fucking impetigo
3. I wrote the prologue to volume 2
I wasn't feeling in the mood for werewolf book writing so I wrote the prologue for APUI: Volume 2 - My Life as a Spy which is the next one in this series and please check it out but it won't be updated until I finish this book
4. I have dance exams in 1 WEEK
My dance exams are super important to me and I have been practicing for them (I'm doing 3) instead of writing this book because that is how I prioritise
So yeah as you can see I currently actually have life and would really like to do well in my dance exams and not have impetigo on my face
Anyway
Bye
- grace :P 😊 <---- my fave emojis