My Deepest Thougts

~The story of my life~

The story of my life is things havnt been the best for me. Things don't ever go the way I want them to. I run I hide I cry I bleed I fall. I'm a broken mess trying to fix allot in my life at once. You helped me. But you also broke me more. The story of my life is the way you held me when I wasn't ok. The way you were there for me when I was at my worst. The thing is things aren't perfect at home. Dad never knew boundaries. Mom never cared much. You saved me though. It was nice. We had our moment. Truth is brother isn't getting better. Sissy almost lost her baby. Mamaw isn't doing so well. And on top of it all bubba is going to the dr for his heart because it wants to give up. Just like I want to so bad. I can't love myself cause all the things I did. I can't learn to sleep on my own because I'm too afraid of what would happen in the middle of the night. It's not because of bad dreams or thoughts. It's because I'm scared of what might happen. I havnt slept much since Christmas Eve. Maybe I should. I only sleep when I'm alone or I'm with you. I just don't feel safe anywhere. A part wants to be alone with myself with hunger with thirst. I never wanted to play another game. But here we are playing the worst one of all. Life is pretty funny I think. But I don't wanna live it. I don't wanna be in it. I get called fat or crazy. I get told I'm too much or I'm too annoying. I get told allot by people I admire most in my life. I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm crying. I just hate life as it is. But all of it will always be the story of my life. Forever and always is never forever....