My Deepest Thougts

~Inside~

I feel like I'm going crazy day by day. I feel like I can't explain what's going on on the inside of my own body. One minute I'm ok and the next I'm off the walls and deep within myself. Inside the hurt that's been bottled up. Inside the fears I never expressed. Inside the guilt I never got over. I never talked about it. Cried about it with anyone. I never dealt with it like I should. That's why when I'm alone I beg for so much attention because if I'm in the quiet for too long it all comes back. I cry when I'm mad. When I hurt. When I feel bad. When I feel stupid. When I can't see things clearly. I cry when I'm with drawling from something. Most importantly when I have too much trying to come out at once. I know my body is giving up on me. I know it wants to die out. Stop functioning. I want to get away for a while. Really get things out. Really talk about things. I really want u to be here. I want to tell u how mad u make me but how much I love u. I want to tell u how much u scare me when u get mad at me. I want to tell u how afraid I am of myself. How hard it is to get through each day. I want u to see my tears and hear. I mean really hear me. I want to be so open it hurts. I want to tell u my pain. How scared I am to lose u. How afraid I am of something happening to us. I wanna cry with u in person. Be just us. Show ourselves. I hate being mean. I hate being tired. I hate crying. I hate feeling like this. Please save me....