Mrs All American - luke

41

S A M

The first thing I do when I get home is go to the kitchen in search for some ice cream, but we don't have any. I slam the freezer door shut and press my forehead against it. That's when I look down at myself and realize that I'm still wearing his shirt.

Without a second thought I take it off and throw it down to the ground and I proceed to stomp all over it with my boots. I hate him I hate him I hate him. And though I'm telling myself that I hate him, I know deep down inside that what he made me feel is real and that it's still there. I know I still love him and I don't know when I'll stop, until then, I will hate every second that I spend loving him.

"Jesus, Sam, what's wrong with you? You come here slamming doors and shit, and now you're-"

"India!" I say and look up, holding a hand out towards her. "Not. Now."

"Oh, no," Becca gasps softly. "What happened? What did he do to you?"

I stand there, in my bra, and hug myself. Before I can do anything else, Becca is holding me tightly and I let out a sob. I don't want to cry, but Luke's words have lingered in my head. So I cry and I don't think I've cried this hard in a long time. It hurts my head and I feel like I can't breathe. I hate him for hurting me so bad, yet I should have expected this, right? He had walked away from me so many times before, what made me think that he wouldn't do it again? I guess I just didn't think he'd leave for good.

He had me so convinced that he actually cared about me and that's what hurts the most, because all along, he knew that this was nothing; that eventually he was going to leave. That's why nothing was ever established between us. (I guess I shouldn't say us, because there wasn't an us.) He didn't want me to hold him back from doing the things he used to do.

Now I feel like an idiot, because this makes perfect sense and I can't believe I stuck around for so long. And now I'm left with all these damn feelings for him and they meant nothing to him all along. I know I still care and that's what makes me feel even worse, because I know it's going to take a long time to get over him. God, I hate him.

When Becca gets me to calm down, she guides me to my room, where she helps me get a sweater over my head and she lays me down. Becca lays next to me as she holds me and let's me cry some more while she plays with my hair.

"It's okay, Sam," she whispers. "Just let it out."

India walks into the room, with a frown on her face. India is difficult to understand and she may be too much sometimes, but she's still a very good friend. She's there when she's needed and listens.

India lays behind me so that I'm in between them. They know I don't usually cry, so when I do, the best they can do is try to comfort me and just be there for me. They let me cry for a while and by the time I turn so that I can lay on my back, my head is pounding.

"He was using me," I choke out. It even hurts to say it and I'm crying again. "He was using me for sex. It's all he wanted me for."

I couldn't have been more wrong about Luke Hemmings. He is the ultimate liar.

"It's okay, Sam, you don't have to talk about it," Becca assures me as she plays with my hair.

"Yes, I do," I whimper. "I have to talk about it because I need to accept the fact that this is real and that he left."

He left. He left me.

He left me without a second thought.

So I talk about it, I tell them exactly what happened earlier and tell them about how much I love him. I feel so pathetic because he doesn't even care that I'm here, crying in bed and feeling miserable while he's doing who knows what. I actually don't even want to think about what--or who--he might be doing right now.

The thought of him possibly being with someone else makes something in my chest ache and I'm crying all over again. Damn, Luke Hemmings sure knows how to make a girl cry.

"You were right, India," I manage to say between sobs. "He ruined me and I let him. He said it himself. He said this was never going to work."

"Sam-" there's a sudden knock on the door that interrupts whatever India was about to say and I instantly freeze.

My breathing gets caught in my chest. My heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my temples.

India sighs and leaves the bed. I don't think it's him, but either way, I will not have India fight my battles for me, no matter how much of a mess I am right now.

When her left hand reaches for the the door handle, I grab her right to grip it because I feel like I might faint. However, it is not Luke standing there and I'm glad. I don't think I could face him right now.

It's Calum, standing there with a panicked look on his beautiful face. I do what I least expect. I step around India and give him a hard shove. The impact takes him by surprise and he stumbles back but keeps his balance.

"You knew, didn't you?!" I shout as I keep shoving him. "You knew all along that he was fucking playing with me and you didn't say anything!" Another shove, but he remains silent. "You were supposed to be my friend!"

I keep shoving him until I just end up against his chest and being to cry again. He leans his head on top of mine and wraps his arms around me. I let him, because I know this is not his fault.

"I'm sorry," I choke out as I return his embrace and lean the side of my face on his chest. "What are you doing here?"

Calum sighs as he rubs circles on my back. "I came to say goodbye," he whispers and my stomach drops. "I'm leaving in the morning."

His words make me hug him tighter. I wish he didn't have to go.

"Look, Sam," he begins, "I have no idea what the hell Luke did that's got you hurting so bad, he won't tell us, but I'm still your friend, alright? You might be done with Luke, but you're not done with me. I won't let you."

"Thank you, Calum," I whisper and feel more tears roll my down cheeks. His shirt is probably stained now. "I'm sorry I ruined your shirt," I tell him after we pull away.

He shrugs and smiles a little. "It's okay," he says.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye,"I say and Calum pulls me in for another hug.

"For now," he whispers and releases me. I watch him walk away and just before I can go back into my apartment, he calls my name. "You'll be okay," Calum says in a gentle voice and then leaves.

I know he's right. I just don't know when I'll feel okay again.

a/n: updated asap after reading your comments on chapter 40 hahah