Mrs All American - luke

/32/

L U K E

This isn't right.

Fuck, this is not happening. This cannot be happening right now. I feel like I can't breathe.

"Luke, are you gonna answer that?" Calum asks me as we all sit in the living room.

"No."

Ashton asks me, "Why not?"

"It's my dad," I say slowly as I continue to look at my phone.

He hasn't called me in over a year and I didn't think he would try again. I don't ever answer the phone when he calls, any voicemails he leaves, get deleted. Emails are left unread, thrown away.

I don't know if I haven't made this clear to him, but I have no intentions to talk to him. Ever. I don't want to rekindle our fucking relationship, if you can even call it that. I don't wanna hear his excuses. I don't want to hear his apologies and I certainly don't want to hear a word coming from his fucking mouth. I don't want anything to do with him, why can't he see that?
I'm fine without him, I have been for a long time, what makes him think he can just pop back into my life whenever he pleases? There's a reason I don't answer those phone calls.

The room is silent and eventually, the only who finally says something is Michael. "What do you think he wanted?"

I shrug. "I don't know, but I don't really give a shit." It's the truth. I don't know what he could possibly want, but I don't care. I want to throw my phone across the room when I notice that he's left a voicemail.

"You good?" Ashton asks me and places a hand on my shoulder as I nod.

I don't know the answer to that either. I don't ever know what to think whenever he calls. "I just wanna be alone for a second, okay?" I tell them and then leave the living room.

My day was going really well until I had to get that call. Whenever something like this happens, it's like everything turns into shit. This honestly ruins my entire day and I want nothing to do with anyone.

I'm mad and maybe even a pit upset. I don't know. All I know is that I want Sam here and I want her to look at me and tell me that I'm okay. I hate the way this always gets to me.

When I step into my room and shut the door, I go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I hadn't even realized that my eyes had watered and that tears were threatening to spill. Fuck this. I'm not fucking crying. I don't remember the last time I cried, but I don't want to do it again. Especially over this.

I'm so mad, so damn mad that it's hurting my head and eventually, those tears fall. My blood is boiling, but something deep inside me knows I'm hurt. Without even thinking about it, I swing at the mirror in front of me and it shatters under my left fist.

"Stop," I tell myself, "stop crying." But I can't.

My fist immediately begins to throb, but I don't even care. I do it again, but this time with my right hand.

"Luke! Luke, what are you doing?!" It's Ashton and he's knocking on my bathroom door. "Open the door!" He shouts as he bangs on it.

"No! Leave me alone!" I shout back and look down at the blood on my hands. "I wanna be alone!" I can't stop punching the mirror. I can't stop fucking crying.

"Luke, come on! Let us in," it's Calum this time, but I'm not listening because I'm only listening to that glass shatter under my fist.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I shout and lean on the wall. The mirror is fucked and so are my fists, but I don't care and I sit down on the bathroom floor.