How? Why? When?
Tears trickled down her face one after another. She was in a state of mind that she couldn't understand herself exactly. She was a mixture of hurt and pain.
He was fine. He was doing good. Exactly how jisoo had hoped and prayed for. But she was embarrassed, she was embarrassed to face him. She didn't know what she'd have said to him,if he knew that nothing happened according to how she had thought of. Nothing was like how she proudly claimed in front of him.
How would she feel if he found out that her home wasn't her home anymore. That she wasn't welcomed here instead was more ashamed by her own people. Back at those stations she was hurt and humiliated physically but here.. Here she was insulted and looked down upon by her own people and they had taken her peace of mind. And now she was just living.
By setting her free he gained a lot more than he had expected and by being set free she lost more than she had expected. Standing under the moonlight her tears shone like glitter. She cried and cried. It seemed like she was able to feel all that hurt and pain all over again. But this time she had no false hopes and aspirations. This time she didn't know how long it would last or who would come to rescue her.
-
Taehyung swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Five years. It had been five freaking years but why did he only see her now? Why did she have to be here now when he was trying to hold back the knots and make sense of things that had been happening in his life.
"why jisoo.. " he looked heavenwards. The one name, he could never forget. The one name that could make him powerless. He closed his eyes shut.
"honey? "
"hm? " Taehyung looked at his wife who now sat in front of him.
"why you look so shocked? "she mocked.
"nothing, wasn't used to you addressing me like this anymore." he smiled dimly. She realeased a deep breath.
"I'm trying to make this work. You know I'm trying all I can. But-"
"Lisa you know i can't do it because I just don't know what you want from me exactly." he look deep into her eyes. "Please be honest with me." he spoke and tilted his body towards Lisa so her legs were now placed between his legs as he cupped her hands in his,
"am I not a good father? "
"Of course you are." she replied short.
"am I not a good man then?"
"you are a good man taehyung. " tears brimmed her eyes.
"am I not a good husband? "he asked and he knew the answer to this already, "you are a good husband." he let out a sigh. "then what is it? What is it that you think I'm not doing. Tell me exactly. Because I just don't know Lisa and i'm getting tired of it. "
"You're a great father tae. An amazing husband who fulfils all his responsibilities but I feel like I just don't know you enough. We've been together for the last three years. We have a son who's two but still sometimes you feel like a stranger to me and it kills me." a tear rolled down her cheek.
"hey, I don't wanna see no tears. " Taehyung wiped her cheek and kissed the top of her head. He knew what she was asking for. He knew exactly what it was. But he also knew he couldn't give it to her because he had already given it to someone else and no matter how hard he tried he just didn't know how to heal it or bring it back.
"I am afraid I might stop loving you and I don't want to do that. "her words came out like a whisper as she pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.
"you've given me alot in life. You've been my everything please don't let us fall apart. " the pain in her eyes resembled exactly like the one he had in his. Just for different people.
"you know Lisa, I didn't want to get married. I didn't plan to have a child. I never thought I was even capable of being a father but then universe led me to you. And our son became the greatest gift of my life that I'd forever be thankful to you for." he looked at her.
"but " he took a pause. "but what? "she looked at him in curiosity, tears rested on the apple of her cheek.
He couldn't say the truth, "i'll try to be a better husband. I'll try to be more like how you want me to be. I promise. " he smiled. He completely wanted to be honest with her. He was vulnerable but still pretty much in all his sense. And yet he could not tell her the truth..
-
Taehyung was no longer serving as a soilder instead he was teaching in a military school as the most enlightened and experienced trainer. He was very much known.
His wife was Korean and as vain as it sounded, he didn't love her then. He never did but in those circumstances marrying her was the right thing he could possibly do. She was alone and hopeless. She had no family to take care of her and she lived on the streets. The war had taken away her everything and somehow he saw his past in her present. Instead of leaving her alone and keep her at the risk of being abused and raped he brought her home and took care of her until she felt better. But in those years he had started to like her and even today he just liked her. The old man, the owner of the soup shop found out about them and suggested Taehyung to marry Lisa since they both had no-one in this world.
And even today he knew, "love " was that one thing she had been asking for the last three years. And even though he became her husband, he could never be her lover.
