Peter Parker, spider problems

-thoughts-

warning, suicidal thoughts, 

'Wow'  I think,                                                                                                                                                                             'no matter how many times I see it, NY Queens will never Cease to amaze me.'

Peter was currently standing at the very edge of an at least- 300 foot tall building, admiring the beautiful sunset. Peter, Parker that is- Aka secretly Spiderman, however right now he was not wearing his super suit. He was infact wearing a hoodie several sizes to big for him too the point where the sleeves drooped far past his finger tips along with black sweat pants, being just a normal citizen.

'would I miss this place?...'

Peter was standing dangerously close to the edge, just the smallest  bit of effort and he would never have to deal with any of it again, it would be so easy. No stress about being spider man, no more mean old orphanage lady, no more bottom wage job, no more bullies, no more pain. Peter had the vague urge to just end it all right there. But he was stuck contemplating how the other, younger, orphan kids would manage without him, if they ended up getting hurt because of him he would never forgive himself. He was also worried about Ned and MJ, more so about Ned though.

'Would anyone really care?'

As Peter stood there pondering the actual uses and meanings of his life, he was completely oblivious to the fact that people down below had started to notice him after the long period of time he had just been standing there. He wouldn't really have cared though anyway, he was pretty sure no one would bother him seeing as he had locked the door behind him, the only way up to the roof other than climbing or flying.

'Everyone says they'd be better off without you anyway...'

Peter's heart hurt, and he didn't even know why. Was he sad because no one cared enough about him to stop him? was he mad at himself for not being enough for the people he loved? Peter didn't know, he just wanted the hurt to stop, and so far- nothing had worked. Maybe this would, but would he really have the courage to do it?

"I can help there" 

Hissed the voice inside of Peter's head "Just give me control..."  Peter wanted to, so much, to just be able to let some one else take the reigns, just for a little bit, just so he could rest without having so much weight on his shoulders. But he couldn't, as much as he wanted to he wasn't an idiot and he knew better than to trust the voice. "oh just do it already! You know they all hate you! Just do it!!" Peter smirked and sighed "your getting desperate again" The voice shut up but Peter knew it was still there. 

Peter sighed longingly at his desire to just rest, which he hadn't been able to do in a long time. He ran his fingers over his waist, feeling the bruises that lined his stomach and chest. The voice was making it too obvious what it wanted, Peter knew what it was, depression. But sometimes it just sounded so nice , what he was offering. and sometimes it was so tempting... 

Peter stepped over to the very edge so his toes weren't even touching the firm platform that was the roof. Without even realizing what he was doing he leaned ever so slightly forward... Then he realized what he was doing and panicked in fear, he couldn't move, he was stuck. He was also  shaking violently, he fought to gain control enough to stop leaning forward and ended up instead collapsing backward, sobbing on the floor of the roof.                                                  

He was to distracted at the time to realize that while he had been so close to the edge, the voice in his head wasn't the only thing trying to talk to him.  And maybe if he hadn't been so scared he would've heard them yell at him to wait, and to hear them land on the roof.

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Hai!! so this is my first fanfic, hope yall's like it (Its Spiderman mcu incase you hadn't noticed lol) so yes there is angst in this, and some depression (sorry) but it does get better for Peter I promise! the cinnamon roll will not suffer for long! But any way, hope you liked the beginning, sry it's short, also sorry it probably sucks! BUt oH weLL.

PEACE OUT