The Perfect Crime [ABANDONED]

An Open Letter to Anonymous

This is the true story of what happened at the Lawrence, Kansas high school party shooting. And this is the story of a boy who deserves the world. 

By: Michael Milligan 

It had only been a couple of weeks, days maybe since I had arrived in Lawrence, Kansas. I was seventeen, and this was just one of many towns, many high schools, many foster homes. This was a temporary place, and the name Lawrence, Kansas meant nothing to me. My parents had abandoned me and my younger brother about ten years earlier, and I had bounced around a lot, abusive foster home after abusive foster home. 

I had no reason to love anything about Lawrence, Kansas. 

I had no reason to love anything about the Earth, if I was being honest. 

But all of that changed the second I walked into that party. 

It was loud, and I didn't really go to parties anyway. I didn't have time. I didn't have time for anything. I barely had time to sleep. If I wasn't at school, I was at practice. If I wasn't at practice, I was at work. If I wasn't at work, I was at home doing homework. Life was one long neverending drag where time seemed to never slow down for a second. That Saturday, my best friend dragged me out of the house so he could see his girlfriend. Despite my busy schedule, I went with him. 

But at that party, that fateful night, time did slow down. For one moment, time slowed to a stop, and that was the moment I walked into the main room of the party, and I saw the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. 

My best friend nudged me and mentioned he was cute. I made some bad joke about how I was supposed to be the gay one (I was drunk and drunk me is quite loose-lipped) and then the next thing I know, the beautiful boy, the one who had a drink in one hand and a microphone in the other is staring right. At. Me. 

And then he's dedicating a song to me. 

If I had been better at handling my alcohol, I would have noticed. I would have noticed the way his words rang first in my head and then out loud and I would have realized that the beautiful boy with those stunning blue eyes wasn't just perfect. He was perfect for me in every single way because our souls fit together. 

I was madly in love with him from that moment on. 

I know what has been said about Lucifer Novak. I know the role my story plays in it all. I'm the friend who rejected him, yet another pitiful mark on his record. I know that when people think of me, they think of that poor guy who has to deal with knowing his one-time friend is a psycho. 

But all of that is so horribly, horribly wrong. 

Lucifer Novak is far from anything like the boy who shot my brother. When he told me his name, I didn't believe it, and I've spent every minute since wondering how parents could name their son, the one who smiled like Heaven and felt holy in my arms after the devil. I wondered how anyone could read that article and believe a word of it because if anyone knew Lucifer the way I did, they'd scoff at the thought of him hurting a fly. 

After the shooting, Lucifer was the only thing that kept me sane. My brother was in a coma, and I was still trying to keep everything from falling apart for his sake. I was trying so hard to be strong, but I didn't know how. Lucifer kept me together. He kept me strong, he held me up when I couldn't stand. 

And then when I realized he was my soulmate, I pushed him away. I told him he had the wrong idea about me. I messed things up worse than I can possibly explain, but if you want to know why Lucifer Novak thought he was going for the wrong guy, that was my fault. That was all on me because I was so madly in love with him and I lied. I told him that I didn't have feelings for him, and later when I admitted my feelings, I told him we couldn't be together. I hurt him over and over again, and he was still there for me. Every step of the way. Every roadblock, every moment of hurt. He was always there.