101 Letters Unsent. Ziall.

Number Three

Mum walked into my room to see be just sitting there staring at the picture of me and Niall. I had Smile on and I don't know why but I wasn't crying. I felt just nothing right at that moment. You know those feelings where something terrible just happened and you just have no idea how to feel anymore? Yeah that's what happening.

I did cut again. Only twice this time though. It was before mum got home. I had the gauze on my hand and she hadn't seen it yet.

" Zayn? " she questioned cautiously. I just looked at her. I bet my eyes were blank. " Are you okay? " she asked me. What a stupid question.

I just shook my head before looking back down to the picture in my lap.

" What happened to you wrist? " I never lied to my mum.

" I cut. " I said bluntly. She gasped.

" How many? "

" About seven or eight. "

" Zayn you can't do that. Have you ate anything? "

" I've tried. " it's true. I have tried to eat but it just doesn't work out.

" What happens? "

" I can't keep it down. That also happens with drinks. "

She sighed again. " I gotta make your sisters some food. I love you Zayn. "

I just nodded and she left my room. I pulled the notebook out again that I wrote the letter in yesterday and started another one.

Niall,

Hi Niall.

I just wanted to see if everything was okay where you were. Everything isn't all that great here and it's my fault. I've just been a total reck since you left. I really have.

I just really miss you Ni. Lou Haz and Li are always trying to cheer me up and get me going clubbing but I am never in the mood if I'm not with you. It just doesn't feel right.

I cut again. If you were wondering. I now have about eight cuts on my right arm. I just couldn't help myself because it just really helps with pain I feel in my chest every second now.

I'm not blaming you. No not one bit. I just really did and still do love you. It just really hurt that when we finally went all the way, you left that morning. I wouldn't ever be able to blame you at all. I just want to know one thing...

What did I do?

-Zayn

I sighed and ran my hands over my face. I decided to turn my phone on to see what has happened but almost instantly regretted it.

When I turned it on, Niall had must've set it to a picture of me and him that he took a while back. It was me kissing his cheek while he was blushing. I felt more tears come to my eyes as I just stared at the picture. I only had about 15 new messages and 20 missed calls all from Louis Harry and Liam though. No one else really.

I sat on my bed and just stared at my phone. I miss him. So so much. I wish he was right next to me. Smiling that dashing smile of his. I loved him. I truly did. And I still do. Very much.

A tear fell from my eye and landed on my phone. I knew that now that it fell, I wouldn't be able to stop. I scrolled through my contacts until I got to Niall's

Nialler!!! <3333

I let my thumb hover over the call button before finally pressing it. I sniffled and wiped my face with the back of my hand as I held the phone up to my ear.

Ring

Ring

Ring

" Hello? " I heard his amazing voice. I took a deep breath to keep from just breaking down.