101 Letters Unsent. Ziall.

Number Nineteen

My alarm clock started beeping loudly. I yawned and crawled out of bed. I smiled to myself as I walked into my bathroom to pee.

Today was the day that I finally succeeded.

I walked back in my room with the paper and pen from the bathroom. I sat down at my desk and decided to write Harry's note first.

I checked my phone and saw there was a text from Harry saying they were on their way home. I closed out of it and started to write.

Dear Harry,

Thanks for being there for me. I know I was probably a hassle but when Louis died you were there with me. I know you were the first person I sent that picture to with me smiling genuinely and I think that will be the last true smile you'll ever see from me.

I'm sorry I have to do this but I can't help it. I just don't have anyone close to me anymore where I could talk about anything. Louis was that person and he ended up getting killed. I just can't live with this life Harry. It's unbearable.

The letters next to this one are the ones I've wrote to Niall. I want you to give them to him please.

I won't be here when you get back but I'll be watching you. Making sure you're safe. Making sure Hillary is safe. I've already set up a funeral and paid for it. It's on August 18. This Saturday. I thought I better do that at least so I did.

Just remember Harry.

I love you.

-Love Zayn.

I folded up the letter and got out the ones I've wrote to Niall. I set them next to it and finally started Niall's letter.

Dear Niall,

Wow. I didn't think this would be my last ever letter to you. Surprising right? Well I guess I knew it would be. I did plan this to be.

Harry is going to give you several letters that I've wrote to you when he comes into my room. They're all letters asking about everything pretty much.

I'm honestly scared about this but I'm going to do it. I have painkillers and a knife and that's all I need. I know you will probably ask why but I'll tell you why.

Ever since that day. The night we had our first time up until now my life has been complete shit. When we had our first time I never would've expected that you were going to leave me the next morning like I was some one night stand. That's sure what it felt like.

My mum moved out with the girls and Louis was the only one who was there for me. He hated when I cut. He really did. And when Jordan came and found me on my bed almost dead, he knew that I had my reasons. He knew that I truly wanted to end my life and I wasn't scared to.

When Louis died, I just lost my mind. He was the only one keeping me sane. It broke me. Harry was there when I threw everything and broke everything in my room. He was the one there after Louis. Although he had a girlfriend he was there sometimes.

Harry went to Paris and you were going to New York again and I knew it was a perfect opportunity to do this. I figured, why not?

The funeral is on Saturday if you want to go. Harry will give you the times probably.

This picture book is for you. It's all the times we had together. From when we first met until now. How much life has changed. My life at least. When you look through this, I don't want you to be sad and cry. I want you to realize that I was truly happy with you. I want you to smile at all the amazing memories and amazing times we had together.

You always told me I was an angel that fell from heaven. Well, I guess it's my time to go back to heaven.

I hope you and Ed have a really good future together. I really do. You look really happy with him. I'm glad.