101 Letters Unsent. Ziall.

Number Twelve

" I'm sorry Niall. " I whispered into the phone. I heard a sniffle and a cough before apparently Ed's voice.

" Niall? Are you okay baby? " I heard him say and a pain surged through my chest.

" I'm fine Ed. I'll be upstairs in a minute. " I heard a deep breath being took. " Zayn. You don't have to be sorry. You know that right? "

" But I do. I yelled at you. Without giving you a chance. " I stated. I just wanna sleep!

" I cheated on you. You shouldn't give me another ch- " Ed voice filled the phone. Again.

" NIALL! I want you inside me! Hurry up! " My breath hitched and I pulled the phone away from my ear and ended the call before Niall could try and stop me.

I reached over and pulled out the razor in my side drawer but my hand was being held back. I knew who it was also.

" Louis please... Please let me? " his grip didn't let up. " Lou! I'm begging you!!! " I cried. I heard a breath and my hand was released. I quickly brought it over to my other wrist and sliced it about five times. I sighed as I watched the blood run down my arm.

I didn't wash it off. I grabbed a pen and started to write with the blood still running down my arm and onto the page.

Niall,

If you're going to have sex with someone, don't have them scream it to you when you're talking to an ex. Like seriously.

Maybe I was smart for not letting you have another chance? I think all you would do is that you would end up cheating again. Just like last time.

I can't believe you, my whole world, actually brought me back to cutting. I didn't think I was ever going to come back. No matter what.

I was way wrong I guess...

-Zayn.

There was blood drops everywhere on the page. I put it in the drawer and went into my bathroom to wash my cut. I looked up at the mirror and winced.

I was way more pale. My eyes were red and puffy from crying. I was a lot skinnier than normal. My hair was stuck to my forehead and was very greasy. I looked terrible.

I crawled into bed with the razor held tightly in my hand.

When am I actually going to kill myself? When can I kill myself?

" Louis help me... " I whispered before falling asleep.

I woke up with a presence in my room. It didn't feel like Louis either. I opened my eyes to see that Ashton was standing there.

" Ashton? " I questioned which made him look up at me. He smiled faintly.

" Hey Zayn. " he whispered. Ashton was my sister's ex boyfriend. He broke up with her because he kept getting turned on every time I came into the room without a shirt or something.

" W-What are you doing here? " I asked him. He stumbled over to the foot of my bed and sat down on it. I sat up to face him.

" I had a feeling that you weren't doing very well so I... Wanted to make sure everything was okay.. " he mumbled. I had to smile. Louis told him I know he did.

" I guess everything is fine. I mean I've tried to kill myself a few times but I'm still here. " his eyes went wide and he somehow teleported from the end of my bed to right next to me. He pulled me into a tight hug.

" Don't try to kill yourself Zayn! " he exclaimed. " A lot of people will be upset. Especially me. " he whispered the last part. I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye.

" It's hard not to because I've lost so many things Ash. So many things. " I told him and he cocked his head to the side a bit.

" Like what Zaynie? " I took a deep breath.

" My amazing boyfriend who is now my ex boyfriend. Louis. Jordan, mum, my sisters. Everything Ash! I've lost them all... "

" Louis wouldn't have ever left you though! " He tried.

" He did though. He died. " Ash's eyes went wide.

" Oh my god I'm so so so sorry Zayn!!! " I just shook my head.

" Don't be Ash. I knew nothing would be right. " He grabbed my face in his hands and made me look into his piercing blue eyes. They were like Niall's.

" Zayn, I am here for you okay? I'll always love you. " And with that, he slammed his lips down on mine without warning. I froze for a split second but unfroze and kissed him back just so he would be happy. I don't like Ash that way but I knew he liked me that way.

He pulled away after a bit and smiled in surprise. " I didn't expect you to respond Zayn. " He breathed out.

" Might as well make everyone else happy right? " He shrugged and stood up.

" I better get going okay? I'll text you okay? Bye Zayn! " I waved bye to him and immediately went into the bathroom.

I stood against the wall and just watched myself in the mirror. How did I become all of this? How did one little thing ruin my life? I can't let myself do this. Not anymore. I'll not let myself be like this in front of people anymore. I have to do everything on my own time.

I stood up straight and turned on the shower.

I'm going to make people happy although I'm not.

I'm not going to let other people suffer because of me.

I'm going to make sure that no one is upset because of me.

I'll need help.

From Lou.