101 Letters Unsent. Ziall.

Number Thirteen

" Zayn? " I heard a whisper in my ear. I opened my eyes to meet Louis' bright blue-gray ones.

" Hi Lou. " I said with a smile. I was barely awake.

" C'mon Zayn! Get up! " he was jumping on me but I could barely feel it. I shook my head.

" Please just like ten more minutes? " I asked him. He sighed.

" Fine. " I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

" Zayn? Zayn wake up. " Harry's voice filled my ears. I shot up and he looked startled.

" Sorry Harry. I thought Lou was here again. " I said with a smile. He looked at me weirdly. I stretched before standing up and questioning him. " What? "

" Louis isn't here anymore Zayn? And why are you suddenly so happy? " he asked me as I picked out some black jeans and my 'Cool Kids Don't Dance' shirt. I threw them on and answered his questions.

" Louis is still here okay? You just can't see him. In fact he's right next to you. And no reason really. " Harry turned his head and looked even more confused.

" All this stuff has gotten to your head Zayn. " he mumbled before walking out of my room. I heard the door shut and I walked into my bathroom and took my razor and slid it across my wrist a few times. I never said I was going to stop. I said that I was going to do it on my own time.

I washed the cuts and walked downstairs with my phone in my hand. I walked outside with a smile on my face although I heard Irish laughter from around the corner. I swallowed hard to keep the tears in and just walked to the park.

There were little kids and everyone was here. I smiled and sat down on the benches and pulled out my phone to just mess with it.

I heard someone sit down across from me and glanced up a bit to see a boy with dirty blonde hair. Brown Carmel eyes. And he looked kind of like Liam.

" Hi! " he said smiling. I looked up at him and felt a ghost hand on my knee. I looked down and smiled as I saw Louis' faint hand on my leg. I looked back up and smiled at the boy.

" Hello. " I said to him. He leaned over the table closer to me.

" You're cute. " He said giggling and I chuckled.

" Why thank you. You are too. " I had to be nice. It's my plan!

" Hey can you help me out with something??? I'm Jalen! " I smiled sweetly at him.

" Nice to meet you Jalen. I'm Zayn. What is it that you need help with? " His eyes widened.

" You're that boy who used to always be with the blonde right??? "

" Yeah. " He suddenly got serious and looked around.

" I think I'm gay but I don't know. Can you help me figure it out? Please? You don't have to if you don't want to. " he whispered. I just met him. Well it's for a good cause.

" Sure. " He smiled and walked over to where Louis was sitting and sat closer to me. Louis' presence faded and it made my smile falter a bit. He leaned in to me and connected our lips and I slowly moved my lips with his.

After a little bit he pulled back and smiled at me shyly. " I think I'm gay. " he said smiling.

" I'm glad I helped you figure that out. " I smiled. He did to.

" I gotta go okay? Here's my number! Bye Zayn! " Jalen gave me his number and left running and skipping. Weird kid.

I put his number in my phone and sat there for a little while longer. I looked around trying to see any sign of Louis but didn't see anything. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

" Louis please help me? " I mumbled quietly before standing up and walking to the bakery Harry works at. Yes Harold Styles does work. Just not a lot.

I walked inside and saw him and that blonde laughing. I walked up to Harry and smiled. He looked up at me in surprise.

" Woah. Zayn? Is that you? " I smacked up side the head. " Owwie!!! " He whined and I chuckled.

" I'm Zayn if you don't already know that. " I said to the blonde girl. She giggled and looked up at me.

" I'm Hillary. Harry's girlfriend. " She said with a smile and I saw Harry's smile grow. Mine kind of faltered though but no one noticed. I can't let these things get to me right now.

" Anyways. What're you doing Zayn? " Harry asked me after pulling another chair over.

" Nothing. Just though I may as well come see you at work. " I said sitting down in between the two.

" You haven't been out in a while. It's weird seeing you like this again. " Harry said with a slight tease to his voice but I knew he was telling it truthfully.

" I know Haz. I know. I'll explain later. " Harry nodded and I looked at Hillary. " So Hillary. What do you do? "

" I work at my mum's carry out. With my sister best friend. " she said smiling.

" Oh that's cool. If you give me the name maybe I'll come and visit you? " she wrote down the name of the store and I smile and nodded. The door opened and Harry stood up.

" I better get back to work. Bye love. I'll see you after. " Harry pecked Hillary's lips and walked back to the kitchen. Hillary stood up after.

" I best be going to work also. Nice to meet you Zayn! " She said with a hug and walked off. The door opened and I heard talking but ignored it before making my way to the door.

" Hey Zayn. " I heard Niall say from beside me. C'mon Zayn. Be strong.

" Hello Niall. " I said with a very forced smile.

" Where are you going? " he asked and I looked down to see his hand laced with the ginger's hand who was beside him.

" Home. " I told him. " Jalen and Josh are waiting for me. " I said forcefully smiling.

" Oh. Well uh, this is Ed. My boyfriend. Ed this is Zayn. My ex boyfriend. " he introduced us and I couldn't help but wince at the words Boyfriend and Ex Boyfriend. They should be the other way around.

" Nice to meet you. " I said shaking Ed's hand.

" You too. " he seemed like he was pissed or something.

" Well Niall, I have to go. Bye. " I quickly made a bee line for my house and ran up the stairs.

I walked over to the desk and wrote.

Niall,

Thanks for letting me meet Ed. Now I have a face to beat the shit out of. Thanks for not trying to put I delicately also. You could've just said friend Zayn couldn't you? I guess not.

Oh well. Soon everything will be over right? For me at least. I've told myself that I wasn't going to let other people suffer because I was so I forced myself to be happy and not break down in tears at the bakery.

You'll have to get used to that Niall. Very used to it. Unless you wanna just ignore me now do it won't be as hard when I finally leave.

-Zayn.

I walked into the bathroom and cut my wrist a little deeper than I intended but it brought me closer to my way out if this hell hole right?

I cut my wrist again before placing it on my neck. I looked in the mirror. It's not that hard honestly. All you have to do is barely press down and slide the knife across your neck. It's the fact that you're about to die is what gets to people honestly. That's what got me the first time. I would've already been dead if Death wasn't so scary.

I took a deep breath and slide it lightly across my throat making a small cut on the side of my neck. Nothing to do any damage, just a small cut.

I washed up and everything and looked at the mirror and saw Louis standing next to me with a sad expression. I looked at him in the eyes through the mirror.

" You may not want me to. " I started. " But that doesn't mean I'm not going to. "

I saw him slowly nod his head and I sighed.

" Sooner or later, this little cut. Will be all the way around the front of my neck. "