101 Letters Unsent. Ziall.

Number Four

Niall,

You just left.

You PROMISED you would never leave me.

You told me you would love me until we died.

You told me that I was your everything and no one would ever replace me.

You said you wanted to spend every second with me.

What happened to all that? Did you forget about it all? I can't eat Niall. I just can't. I'll puke if I do. I can barely hold down water but I have to.

I don't want to die with the fact you might come back someday but as it gets later and later, I'm starting to think my whole world isn't worth living anymore. Maybe it isn't worth living? I mean what's the point when the love of my life isn't here with me? It isn't worth living and I've realized that now.

I still love you Niall. I do. Just remember that when you realize you still love me and its too late.

-Zayn.

I folded the letter and put it neatly in the drawer before sliding my finger lightly over the cut I just did. It didn't hurt anymore. I was used to it. I have scars everywhere on my arms. Louis and Liam visited earlier. I told Louis I cut again and he just sighed and walked out.

Mum had taken the girls to live with grandma because I wouldn't do anything with the girls or mum. I trapped myself in my room everyday and just sat up here.

I heard my phone start vibrating and I picked it up and saw I got a new message. I opened it and saw it was from Lou.

Zayn. We need to talk. -Louis.xx

I gulped. This actually scares me. What if-- I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and my door flew open. Louis was standing there and he looked mad yet like he was about to cry.

" Zayn. " he said. I turned around and looked at him in the eye.

" Yes Lou? " I said shakily.

" I'm really sorry but I can't do this anymore. " he told me not moving from his spot in the door. I was on my way to my bed as he said that so I stopped and looked at him.

" Do what? " I asked cautiously. He can't do this to me can he? I'll have literately nothing to live for. He's the only reason I'm truly alive right now.

" I can't help you anymore. You aren't doing anything to improve. I'm sorry Zayn I really am but you've lost me also. " I collapsed to the ground and started to scream. I didn't start crying but I screamed. And I mean SCREAMED. " Z-Zayn... " I heard Louis mumble quietly.

I was still screaming but I was sobbing also. " I HAVE NOTHING!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!! " I screamed at the top of my lungs.

" Zayn stop..... " I heard Louis choke out. I stood up and looked at him. I turned away and looked at my lamp.

" I have nothing... " my voice was hoarse from screaming. I heard a shaky sigh and then footsteps down the stairs and a door close. I saw Louis walking out front of my house and I just couldn't take it.

I walked over to my bedside table and grabbed the lamp before throwing it against the wall. I threw everything around and just messed everything up. It made huge crashing noises.

I just collapsed on my floor in the glass of the broken frames of pictures and my lamp. Glass was pushing into my skin but I didn't care at this point. I just laid in the glass listening to my phone ring the ringtone I had set for Niall. It was him singing Smile to me.

" You make me Smile like the sun.

Fall outta Bed.

Sing like a Bird.

Dizzy in my Head. " it shut off and my house phone started to ring. I heard it ring before it went to answering machine. I waited to hear the message as glass kept digging into my skin deeper and deeper.

" Zayn!? Zayn!!! Answer the phone! I heard crashes from your house and then everything was quiet! Please answer the phone! " I heard Niall's halfway worried voice fill the house. If he heard it all why didn't he come into my house?

I turned my head as I tried to get up and saw a picture of me and him.

We were making a snow man together and he was laughing while I was just smiling and looking at him.

I felt another round of tears form in my eyes. Why did he have to leave?

I got up and got the pieces of glass removed from my arms and cleaned up. My phone started to ring again and I picked it up not even caring if my voice sounds like shit.

" Hello? " I choked out. I was still cleaning my arms. Those are going to be new scars.

" Zayn! " his angelic voice filled the phone. I clenched my eyes shut.

" Don't cry... Don't cry... " I whispered to myself but he must've heard it.

" Zayn why are you whispering Don't cry to yourself? " he asked me. I looked into the mirror and saw I had a few pieces in my cheek.

" I miss you Niall. " I said with somehow not crying. I reached my hand up and brushed it over my cheek before flinching a bit. I walked out of my bathroom and walked slowly downstairs with a bloody face and arms to my living room.

" I'm sorry Zayn. Really I am. " he said. I believed him but I still never got an answer to why he left.

I walked into my living room and heard the front door open then someone walked into my living room.

He was in all black and he had brownish but more blonde hair and deep green eyes. He eyed me and started walking towards me.

" Who are you? " I asked forgetting I was all bloody.

" Zayn? " I heard Niall ask.

The guy got closer and pushed me down on the floor making me smack my head on the corner of my coffee table. Pain surged through it quickly and I cried out in pain.

" I'll help you not live unless you still want to. Logan by the way. " the boy said. I reached my free hand to the back of my head and felt a warm substance.

" Niall........ Bye. "

Logan walked towards me before kissing my forehead and closing my eyes.

Everything was blank no matter if I tried to open my eyes or not. I just couldn't and I finally just have in and slept.

I flew up out if my bed and stood up. I looked around and saw I was the only person here. Was that all just a dream? I looked down the see bloody pieces of glass everywhere. I reached up to my head but didn't find anything. Maybe I passed out on the glass? I check my phone to see if anyone called.

No missed calls.

I looked down at my arms and saw they had glass still in them and I just stared at them.

I walked over to grab the knife off my table and walked over to my bed and laid down on it, not acknowledging the glass that was jabbed into my back. I clenched it to my chest and flipped it open. I studied it before putting it to my other hand and slicing the palm of it.

Niall,

I just lost The last person who actually cared about me. I lost Louis. Mum had already taken the girls away along with her and Liam and Harry just left. Louis was the only reason I was alive anymore.

I have glass stuck in my arms and back right now and I just murdered my hand. I'm getting closer and closer each day Niall.

I can't wait honestly. I just can't wait for it all to be over. It's going to be so relieving.

I just can't wait to die.

-Zayn.