The Driving Force to Love (MXM) ✔

Chapter 9

Antonio Angel Hernandez Sanchez

Christmas Eve. The house was crowded. My family was over. Liz's family was over. Cousins, nieces and nephews, parents, aunts and uncles. The children stood in the middle of the room acting out the nativity story while the adults sat on the various couches and extra chairs that had been brought in. The teenagers helped the children get their lines right. Our house was the largest even though we didn't have any children so it made sense for us to have everyone over. That also meant Liz and I would be sharing a room tonight and Sarah was absent.

Liz's expression was slightly sad as she looked around the faces of our families and I knew she was missing Sarah. Sarah's family knew she was lesbian and knew she had a girlfriend. They asked her every year to bring her girlfriend and every year she had to go alone. Liz would not risk her own family discovering that she preferred women over men. She would not let either of our families find out our marriage was a sham.

Liz peeked at the screen of her phone. I knew she was thinking about texting Sarah, but she couldn't do that with all of our family around.

My own phone was heavy in my pocket. I wanted to text Dean. I wanted to call him and tell him some Christmas jokes. I wanted to hear his laugh. I wanted to see his smile. After my discussion with Jeff, I had made sure all conversations with Dean were strictly business. That change had made my employees happier and that was the most important thing at the moment. But my heart was hollow and heavy. I liked talking with Dean. At the very least, I hoped we could become friends. After the repairs were finished and he was done working with me, I would strike up the friendship - and maybe eventually more than friendship - once again. But for now, my employees had to come first.

I couldn't help but wonder how he was doing. I didn't really know if he had family or extended family he could spend the holidays with. I got the impression he was alone. Maybe someone in his small town had invited him over for Christmas Eve. Surely he wasn't sitting alone in his small house with no one to make him laugh. I hoped he wasn't lonely on this Christmas Eve.

The children finished their reacting of the Christmas story. As soon as they did so, my youngest nephew on Liz's side yelled out, "More bunuelos!" He ran to Liz and took her hand.

Liz smiled. All the children looked eagerly at her. "Alright," she said. "You can have a little more and then we'll go out back to break the pinata."

I spoke to my brother-in-law and father-in-law about business and generalities. Little conversations from other people were all around us. My niece, Maria, brought me a cup of champurrado. More cups were distributed. Plates of tamales were brought out.

As the evening went on, we filed outside where a seven star pinata hung from a tree branch. The kids went first starting from the youngest. One of the teenage cousins burst it open.

Jose helped me hang the next seven star pinata and we went on. Liz's brother burst open the second pinata. My madre busted the final pinata. Sparklers were distributed and lit. Children tried to spell their names in the air or tried to draw stars and anything else they could think of. The cold night air didn't interfere with the excitement of Christmas.

"Liz looks sad tonight," Jose said. I jumped slightly startled. I hadn't realized he was directly behind me.

I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what to say.

"I guess having all the children around reminds her that she couldn't have children of her own," he said.

"Yes," I said, but I knew that wasn't the reason. She missed Sarah. It hurt her that she couldn't be open in her relationship, that she couldn't bring Sarah to these gatherings as her wife instead of me as her husband. I felt for her. I had boyfriends. She had always known about them, but I never had a relationship that lasted more than two years. People didn't like to hide that they were with me. I couldn't blame them. Sarah was a saint to stay with Liz as long as she had and have to hide in the shadows. Sarah and Liz had been together longer than Liz and I had been married.