The Driving Force to Love (MXM) ✔

Chapter 44

Dean Axle Lance

I pulled into the parking lot of Hernandez's motorcycles. I parked my truck, got out and walked into the store door. We were now in the beginning of January. I hadn't really had a chance to see Tonio after he came to my house to celebrate Christmas. My New Year's celebration consisted of staying at home, cooking myself a steak and falling asleep on the couch. It was a typical New Year's celebration and it didn't bother me. Tonio was expected to spend it with Liz and her family. Mark spent it with Missy and that was fine with me as long as he was staying clean and it still appeared he was.Vincent and Chet were young and wanted to spend New Year's with their friends which was understandable. I was just happy I got my Christmas celebration with them all. It was something I had never expected in previous years and it had been my best Christmas yet.

I nodded to a few of the employees and then I stood to the side so I wouldn't be in anyone's way and sent Tonio a text.

Me: I'm here.

Tonio: Come on back to my office.

I didn't bother to knock since he told me to come back and it had become routine now whenever I came to his store. When I stepped inside, he smiled wide. "I'm just shutting off my computer," he said. Since I knew he usually closed the blinds to his office window before he left, I went and closed them for him. I heard him stand up, but I didn't realize he was so close to me until I turned around.

"I missed you," he said. He crashed his lips to mine. I peeked at the door just to make sure it was really closed before I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled him close.

"I missed you too," I said as we broke the kiss. I stepped away from him. It was best not to take a chance someone might walk in on us. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," he said. He led me out. He made it a point to say goodbye to his employees as we headed out. I liked that about him. There were a lot of things I liked about him.

"Where would you like to go eat tonight?" he asked. I parked my truck near his car so we could walk together.

"Wherever," I said. "I'm not in the mood for anything in particular."

He thought for a moment as we stood by my truck. "Then," he said, "there is a good Mexican food place near my house. The food is almost as good as my madre's. Do you want to try there? We could drop your truck off at my house and then drive together in my car to the restaurant."

"Sounds good," I said.

I wondered briefly as I followed him to his house if he had meant we would actually be going to his mother's house, but I quickly dismissed that idea. Taking me to a family outing where Sarah also came along was a lot different than a dinner with him and me and just his parents.

We left my truck parked in front of his house and then we drove to the Mexican food restaurant. We ordered and talked about how our businesses were doing. It wasn't until the food arrived that he said, "I know you said I should keep the compass, but I think I should give it back. It seems like it is really special to your brother."

"Which is why you should keep it," I said. "He didn't give it to you without thought."

He took a bite of his enchilada so I took a bite of my burrito. After we had several bites each he asked, "Is it okay if I ask what makes the compass special?"

I paused as I thought about the past. If it was someone else, I wouldn't speak about it, but since it was Antonio I said, "Our parents were drug addicts. If they weren't ignoring us, they were beating us. I tried to shield Mark from it as much as I could, but there is only so much a kid can do." I shrugged as I really didn't want to remember that part of our past. "Our parents didn't get along with our grandparents. My paternal grandparents had told my dad when we were still quite young that they never wanted to see him again and so we never saw them again. I'm not even sure if my dad's brother is still alive. I have cousins somewhere, but I don't know where. I haven't seen them since I was very small. I don't even remember their names."

Tonio started to reach out for me, then realized we were in a public place and pretended he was just reaching for his napkin.

"My mom didn't get along with her parents either," I went on, "but they still had us over for holidays. Inevitably those get-togethers would end up in a big fight and we'd have to leave until the next holiday. But my maternal grandparents were kind to me and Mark. Mark was particularly fond of our grandfather and he was very kind to Mark. He gave him that compass on one of the last Christmas's we saw him and told him it would remind him to stay focused on his goals in life. When Mark became a teenager and started doing drugs too, I thought he had lost that compass. I thought he didn't care about it. I haven't seen it since we were children. I honestly had no idea he still had it. I didn't know he still cared about it."

Tonio stared down at his fork as he moved it mindlessly through the rice. "Now I feel like I should give it back even more," he said quietly. His handsome eyes met mine. "Maybe it will help him with his goal to stay clean."

I smiled at how thoughtful he was. I shook my head. "He gave it to you, Tonio, because he knows you are important in my life. Maybe he thinks of it as giving it to a second brother. I don't know. But I will tell you, he has never given any of my other past girlfriends or boyfriends anything near that meaningful and that includes Jennifer."

"I just don't understand why he would give me something so special."

"Maybe he can see how well you treat me. Better than Jennifer ever did."

He thought about that as he spread the rice around. "But," he said, "we can't even openly admit we're in a relationship. How is that treating you well?"

"You do treat me well, Tonio. You make me laugh, you don't treat me as less intelligent, you care for me. You love me."

He smiled and nodded. "I do," he said.

His smile was contagious. I looked around just to make sure no one was near enough to have heard that conversation. We were close enough to his house and it sounded like he might have been a regular. I didn't want to out him to people he might potentially know.

"Can I ask you about the bear you gave him?" he asked. "Or is that too personal?"

I was immediately brought back to a place in the trailer park where Mark, Jennifer and I would hide in the bushes and trees from our parents, away from life. A heavy sigh escaped my lips. "When we were little, there was a place we would hide from our parents. Sometimes it would just be me and Mark. Other times it would just be me and Jennifer and sometimes it would be all three of us. One day Mark and I were hiding there. He was trembling because our mother had hit him a few times. He was scared of her. Of both of our parents. When either of us got that way, we would tell outrageous scary stories to make our parents seem less frightening.

"I had just finished telling him of a man with the head of a catfish that would come out of the water and chase people around. He'd try to eat them, but couldn't because he didn't have a neck to bend his head and his arms were too short to lift people up to his mouth. Mark thought it was hilarious. Then Mark added to the story and said a bear came out and ate him since his head was a fish. So I whittled him a little bear out of wood. I wasn't very good at it, but I gave him the bear and told him it would protect him from all the scary things in life. All he had to do was be my brother and be a good person. He promised he would. I know he did lose that one. So I made him another one when I could see he was trying so hard. This time out of metal."

"He's been doing well," Tonio said.

I nodded. I didn't add 'so far' but it popped in my head. I tried to push the thought away. I wanted to treat Mark more positively and so far that had been working.

"Yes," I said instead. "He has."