If I Were Allowed To Love You

Eighteen

"Look, I know we are here to support Melissa and that we love her, but I still have a huge fear of circuses," Theo stated. "I hate clowns. They scare the shit out of me. And I swear if someone pulls me from the crowd to embarrass me in front of everyone, I will kill- Are you seriously getting your face painted?"

Ryan shrugged as he smiled at the lady painting his face at a booth next to the tent. "I want to show Melissa that we support her. This is her circus."

"We are here on a mission."

"Which is to support her so she'll stay with us for the winter." He narrowed his eyes on Theo. "Behave yourself while we're here."

"Behave yourself while we're here," Theo mimicked before groaning. "What do you think I'm going to do?"

"Based on your attitude, I'd say pout," the face makeup artist quipped, and Ryan loudly snorted at Theo.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Sorry to ask, but are you two talking about the Melissa who works here?"

"The knife thrower," Ryan responded.

She gasped and smiled wide. "She mentioned you two would be coming today. She was so excited when she heard you all respond to her email. She assumed that since she left you'd both not want to see her. But hearing you talk about her..." She hummed. "She is going to be so excited to perform in front of you tonight."

After the woman finished painting his face, Ryan and Theo began to walk towards the tent. Theo couldn't look away from Ryan's face, despite how much he wanted to. "It's like looking at a car wreck."

Ryan used the camera on his phone to check his face and shrugged. "I like it." His lips were outlined in red, coming out to a point. And his eyes were painted over in black, elongated diamonds with little circular points at the end. It was an eerie clown-esque look, but a hauntingly beautiful one at that. With his long black hair dangling in his face and dark clothes, he felt he wore the paint well.

"I'm sure Melissa will love it." Theo's smiled fondly as he stared at the circus equipment in the center of the tent. "She always loved the goth aesthetic."

Ryan nudged his shoulder into Theo's with a smirk. "You're really excited to have your friend back, aren't you?"

"She's going to love the bakery truck," he excitedly exclaimed. "It was her idea. And she's going to be so excited to see it." He smirked teasingly at his brother. "But she's going to soon feel the same way over seeing you."

Ryan hoped she would be happy to see him. Though she did claim to want to see him in her email, he still didn't know where they stood as friends. While they had begun to become better acquainted with one another before she left, the one opportunity he had to truly get close to her resulted in her running away to said circus. For all he knew, she mainly invited him for the sheer fact that he happened to be Theo's brother. It may have been nothing more than gesture out of common curtesy.

But with winter coming, that meant the circus would be closed for the season. He was surprised she never came back home for a visit, especially with her father in town. But other than her father and Theo, it wasn't as though she had much to do besides work. He sat up as he scanned the seats quickly, wondering if he would see her father in the audience somewhere.

"I think they're still getting ready in their trailers," Theo commented.

"I was actually more curious if her dad was here."

"No. He left without a trace one day. Just...vanished. I talked about it with Melissa, but she never commented. It was around then that she stopped messaging as frequently as she did."